If at first you fail, get up and …

Autobiographical

So far today I have attempted to write a fluid article on Russian scam brides, the kind you find cluttering your junk mail folder, the kind that say avoid like the Plague. The kind that says to adventurous opportunist artists, write back, get photos, paint them. This is what I was doing, the words were not flowing, they felt wooden and clumping, like wet cat litter, so I quit that and started on a new CV, making myself attractive to new employers, trying to tell them about my long and checkered work history and failing miserably in the process. In desperation, I made a simple meal, ate it and started writing this instead. That and watching some porn in another window, she has nice breasts and a fantastic bush. Her smile is quite engaging, but I guess that works better than a grimace or a frown. It’s all part of human psychology you know, a smile is welcoming, is warm and makes you want to get closer to each other. (usually)

Some porn

I could quite happily spend inordinate amounts of time watching porn, instead I spend amounts of time looking for work, knowing full well it will prove disastrous within a few weeks or so when I do find work. it is not negative thinking, it is a total fact. Having had 80+ previous employers I think somebody, somewhere is telling me something about what I ought be doing in terms of employment. Indeed I have written on this subject previously and seeing as it is quite dominant in my career record so far, it is time I took notice of it and did something about it. I can barely sack myself can I and when I do, I can be reinstated later that day. I have a set of ideas I would like to put into motion and with recent events as they are I am now in a position to be able to do so.

My cat is sitting on the back of the chair, keeping my neck warm. Ideally he wants to sit on my lap, however the desk gets in the way with his needs and my legs move around, disturbing his repose. I can scratch his neck easily and listen to his purring, that is despite the music playing. He likes to think He is in charge here, determining where he sits, when he is fed and the rest of it. Little does he know it, he is totally.

Otherwise I have been painting and drawing loads, have got through a large amount of the back log of incomplete work, started a bunch of new material and wonder how to correct glaring mistakes and paint splashes that could easily have been avoided. In the meantime I am posting lots of new material to my Instagram page and of course here.

Some more porn

Me and My Ego

Autobiographical

I recently removed myself, albeit temporarily from the Facebook place. This move may become permanent, it has been a matter long on my mind and something has at last been done. I think it may become permanent, and am surprised at myself, for having taken so long to get this far. Social media is and can be a toxic place, it is an experiment in human behaviour and without doubt a place where governments snoop, sniff and check every word of what you read, write or say. The same can be said for that Alexa machine, that plays music and tells you the weather. It was fun for a while, then I threw it in the recycle bin. One less thing to dust or pay for you know. I have a 200w sound system instead and where my current music collection is slightly limited I compensate for that by having a internet connection and some decent digital speakers too. J is probably not very happy I am away from FB, though to be honest that is her business. I am pretty sure she will read this, good I like getting visitors, views, clicks, hits or whatever else they are called. They make my ego bigger than it is already is compel me to find a new and bigger home to house it in and ultimately move away from this dunghill known as Oxford and the muck heap called Blackbird Leys. Somewhere in the countryside, a nice cosy new home with a log fire and nice big garden.

Other news now, I am researching yew trees and archery and that kind of thing, personal interest you understand, I may/ will write about the subject sometime soon. School work is moving along nicely, having just got my last assignment has been dispatched. Erika the mannequin has had a change of clothes, though she really needs a whole new wardrobe as her current collection is a little large for her. Ultimately she needs measuring up to get a proper idea of her needs, then a charity store raid can take place. In the meantime I will be throwing out yet more stuff I have no need for, the local charity store is most willing to take it off my hands and for that I am most grateful. Other J has been off the radar recently, I like the peace and quiet of late and see no good reason to alter it too much.

Oh fuck, I have to go to the Job Centre palace later and make my reasons for being out of work. Well these are numerous, and words like peanuts and monkey’s come to mind when contemplating my answers. I figured a while ago and after 81 -/+ employers, the universe wants me doing other things than working to make some other bastard wealthy. Happily the weather looks quite nice and I may well cycle in and get some fresh air, avoiding the hassle of driving and doing a dodgy park near my former workplace. I really cannot be arsed dealing with those people or running into them for any length of time, like what happened last week. I am simply afraid of telling them what I think, which never really does much good. It is easier to miss out on conversations with some people, plus I do not like them it is as simple as that.

Second and third fingers held aloft, nails to the front.

Uncategorized

So as an unemployed person, I thought I had better do something to employ myself. By that I mean make myself useful, do things that are profitable and generally get my finger out of my bum. If this list is too ambitious, then at least to be productive and creative. Why all this thinking? Well the Job centre want to speak to me next week, about what, I have no idea. But it is a good thing to at least, be prepared. With excuses, reasons and a few other tried and tested means of getting things to move along nice and smoothly, Happily the JC know my work record and could even help me find a decent work position. I am not going to work in any damned shop, kitchen or other type place. I dislike retail and its attendant bastard children with a passion and it is totally pointless doing anything that just pisses you (Or me) off. I do not wish to sacrifice my mental well being working to make some other bastard wealthy. What good will that do? Well for them marvels I am sure, for me marvels again, but in the other direction. Happily my work record, leaves a little bit to be desired with 70+ employers to my credit since leaving school. Yes that’s right 70 of them. I have absolutely no desire to waste my time looking for and then enduring more nonsense, it does no good to anyone, least of all myself.

It would be very handy if the JC could provide decent and up to date information on self employment and that kind of thing. The trouble is of course , it is like wringing blood out of a stone. The stone will yield in the end, but is it worthwhile? If there is an employer who accepts men who wear skirts to work, then count me in. If there is such an employer who accepts skirt wearing men, who want to be addressed as Jessica, even better. Ideally not having to speak to too many people and having a quiet cubicle to work from, a decent salary/rate per hour, a nice employer and or manager. Not much to ask for I know, but still quite a lot. In all honesty, In all honesty, my employment record has given me all the skills to work for myself. I simply have to pull my finger out and do the working bit. Write, play with and improve web sites, Paint and repeat. Social media has to be employed a little bit more, even if I do detest it. I detest working for other people even more, so choosing the lesser of the two evils only makes sense.

Anyway, other news now. Todays weather is variable, intermittent sunshine and rain about 18 degrees c. It should be warming up again in the next couple of days. Otherwise things are pretty stable, my MH is balanced, there is plenty going on and to look forward to and the sky is blue. I would hazard a guess and say the birds are singing as well. All in all it is a good day and I think a quite productive one. It means I can be at peace in my mind. I think with a little restraint and common sense, I can be at peace with my bank account as well. At the same time as being smart with my time and money, it is important to think. Why do we deny ourselves pleasure, what is it that prevents us from enjoying those simple things that cost little and give the most? Things like decent healthy food, love, a long lasting, healthy relationship, peace of mind.

As I enter the fifth decade of my life, I value the simpler things the universe brings, than I do complexity and BS. The BS can go to hell along with all those who peddle the stuff, be it stinking or otherwise.

A ROOM WITH A VIEW AND LOTS OF BOOKS

Uncategorized

I have no idea of what to write about.  So I am going to write about something.

These last few days have been quite hectic, Hyper-ventilation, nervousness, anxiety a whole host of different things and feelings. And quite a lot of running around too. I have finally moved the desk/office up the stairs to the library where I can look out the window at the garden and be surrounded by books. It is more peaceful up here, the cats have found the bean bag and are fast alseep. It makes a change to have at least one of them using the desk as it’s roosting place. I know Cats don’t roost,but this one might as well.

All the art stuff is now on a big trestle table downstairs and I do not care if it gets covered in paint, in fact I am looking forward to that. If we have guests,I can throw a table cloth over it  and nobody will be none the wiser. career wise, the job centre seem to agree that it is pointless me looking for work I detest or am going to get pissed off with after 3 weeks. They want me to focus on what I like. I love and enjoy. Art, books, history and Alcohol, Actually I do not want to involve myself in Alcohol. (Apart from drinking it) Did I mention painting.  cause all I really want to do apart from learning and studying is to paint. Perhaps learning more on the rules of punctuation would help as well.

There are lots of new idea’s bustling around in my head, waiting to get out. I am looking forward to showing some on here as and when they materialise. I would love to write more, but really do have to look for work now.

I was looking for a job and I lost a job.

art and culture, Autobiographical

And heaven knows I am not miserable now.  (Apologies to Morrissey)

Did I mention, I do not have a job anymore? It is nothing unusual, the workplace and I do not seem to get along very well. Indeed the longest time I have held a job down for is a little over two years. At a rough reckoning I would say the average length of time between starting and finishing is 3-4 months.  The longer lasting ones push the average up, the rest of them, bring it back down. I am best off being self employed, be my own manager. That way I can hardly sack myself, if I were to do so, I could be reinstated the next morning, or the same day. Who knows?

I am done with food, making it,selling it or having anything to do with it. (Apart from  eating it) and  most things retail can F**K OFF.  I am considering sales (of what) and want to be an artist.  I can honestly say not much else interests me. Give me something creative and worthwhile to do, a decent salary would help.

Not being in work, provides me with lots more time to study and paint. This I have to say is the best thing about being ‘unemployed’

Triphammer falls, NY state USA

Oils on paper 2019-2020

DSC_0114

OIl on paper 2020. Model unknown