Sin and confession

Autobiographical

As many of you may know, I was raised in the Roman Catholic Church, an organisation that thinks sperm is sacred and their clergymen are not allowed to marry. We also have this sacrament called confession where we have to tell the priest our shit, like stealing our dad’s booze and looking at porno mags. This could also include behaviour like masturbation and things like having sex and enjoying yourself and or not going to church. Did I mention telling lies, smoking cigarettes and playing cards? Well they could be added in as well. In return the priest would give us a reward of lets say ten Hail Mary’s, six Glory Bee’s and a bunch of Our Fathers. It all depended on what you had ‘fessed up to. Perhaps it would depend on how the priest was feeling, I don’t know.

Many years ago I had been caught dancing with myself and my Mum in her religious fervour sent me off to see the priest. He was a dirty looking scare crow of a man and there was a bottle of Glenfiddich clearly visible on his counter top. I guess somebody thought it would loosen my tongue and provide a good confession. It certainly did, I like Whisky and I span him a whole bunch of lies instead, the joke was I did not care for religion by this time and sneezed at the idea and concept of confession. However I was living at home and my youngish mind, thought it a good idea to comply. Well to cut a story short I span him a load of stuff that would make a Madame blush, I swear the old pervert had a lip trembler going, he stank of booze and his blood shot eyes were horrid, as were his shaking hands. I think Half of that bottle disappeared in the couple of hours I was there, it was near Christmas and was piss cold outside. I have forgotten the penance he gave me, though I do remember not doing any of it.

If I was not sceptical of priests and religion before that point, I was afterwards and still am. More on that later on. I have recently been inspired to dig out some old artwork and share it again, I don’t think I have mentioned getting rid of a load of work a few weeks ago.

I am quite pleased with myself this evening, I have managed to leave the alcohol alone, despite their being a bottle of cider in the fridge. My cart Ninjas had the Scabies/Mange and is recovering well. He has been depressed and does not like being bathed and covered in ointment. Mr. Fox on the other hand, has been noticeable by his absence. I hope he comes home very soon. I love him.

The Terrible Self Promoting Artist

Autobiographical

Not being bothered or motivated enough to do school work, I thought lets write something instead. Which is largely what I would be doing if schoolwork was on the agenda, but it’s not. But I did do some reading, about religion in the Nineteenth century. Religion in the Twenty first century is just as awful, except there is more singing, and fewer people attending, you see all the would have been worshippers all go to Garden centres and stately homes now. Where they can relax, look at beautiful things and then drink tea and eat cakes, without the fag of having to wash up afterwards.

Other news, these last days have been spent building a new website and today all my hard work was wiped out (nearly) by pressing the wrong button, it just resulted in having to re-upload all the images again. Kind of doing me a favour, it is now more stream lined and looks nicer too. If you want to take a look click here:

https://theterribleartist.wordpress.com/

My art has previously been described as terrible, it has even made the national press:

https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/7092690/hilarious-pictures-reveal-the-terrible-works-of-art-being-flogged-in-high-street-charity-shops/

This is self promotion I know and I am enjoying myself in doing it.

Make Tea, Not War

politics and religion

The alcohol industry makes huge profits out of peoples addictions to having their senses numbed and being stupid. Religion works along pretty much the same lines, listen for too long and you will become daft as well. You see the former kills off your brain cells, makes you do foolish stuff and kids you into thinking the Govt. is doing you a good turn. The latter persuades you by gentle and constant prodding and injections of fear into thinking that if you disobey the ideas being fed to you, you will burn in hell fire for all eternity. In essence they are both very alike one poisons your liver, and makes you stupid. The other poisons your brain and keeps you stupid, remove yourself from one and it feels like hell. Remove yourself from the other and you are ‘guaranteed’ hell. However the alcohol industry pays its taxes, which is more than be said for religious institutions, which being classified as charities do not. If you cut yourself, you can pour some liquor on it and that will cleanse the wound until you can get to a doctor. The religion people will tell you it is Dogs wrath for your sinful behaviour and you bloody deserve it.

The message here is loud and clear, you ought to drink Tea. You can read war comics as well. Tea is refreshing, leaves no nasty hangover and leaves your liver a happier organ, that will provide you with many years of loyal service. War comics can be great yarns of imaginary Derring Do, of brave Soldaten taking on the evil enemy and his tanks with just a pistol, a pack of chewy sweets and a good luck charm. They feature every scenario possible, with every armed service imaginable. Placing the reader in the thick of the action against the barbaric foreign invader and creating some terrible stereotypes along the way. Be warned, war is not actually so cool and being shot at is probably not very pleasant, being shot is probably even worse and likely to elicit cries more substantial than “it’s nothing but a flesh wound.” and Gor Blimey Sarge, that lousy foreigner just shot me.” Somehow in these stories, the cure for all ills is a mug of hot sweet tea and a couple of biscuits, back in the day it was a cigarette or two, but those are now bad for your health. Should there be a warning advising against war, warning that being shot or blown up is bad for your health? I would like to see one and when you consider how many human lives have been brought to an end through wars which have been started by religious foolery? How much violence is started by alcohol? How many started by drinking tea?

The answer is clear, that we as a species ought drink more tea, go to church less often (if at all) Religion is the enemy of all right and free thinking people. Teaching their adherents to hate their neighbours and blow themselves up in the name of what, some make believe authority figure? Let those who would claim their god is right do the warring and see how long their deity and their faith last in front of a Machine gun going at full whack! They ought to have learnt to drink tea.

Base Useless Behaviour. (Vintage Port x2)

Autobiographical, Uncategorized

At various times I have thought of setting myself targets for the day. For example, one of those, two of them and four of the other, This is to much like going to the gym and so I stopped setting targets and started going with what felt right, going with the flow and relaxing a little bit instead. As a result I no longer get myself in a flap because I had not painted x pictures or written so many words that day. So bloody what and who cares? Maybe cleaning the house and fussing the cats took precedence that day. Life is not all painting and creating and writing, some day’s we are just supposed to sit back, relax and do other stuff instead. Over this festive period I have drowned myself in two bottles of the vintage stuff, and they were both very nice in that they did the job required of them.

Sometimes I think I drink too much, then I stop reading the governmental guidelines and hear my better half clearing her throat like the old lady who used to attend Friday mass at my first school. Being raised a Roman Catholic raised many questions, if God was so good, kind, etc then why did he allow such awful stuff to happen and children to starve in Africa, Cambodia.. He works in mysterious ways and why serve up that Altar wine, then make you feel bad for enjoying it. (Actually it was awful stuff) My relationship with Dog has got worse and worse and the Catholic bit has changed to cat-o-like I have never ever once considered myself as a Roman, though I guess it may have been a possibility in a past life. I think my parents ought to have left me find my own path, it would have been far less confusing to all of us.

Homeless old men

politics and religion, Uncategorized

So I discovered late last night, to no great surprise that a bunch of old men are seeking answers to life questions by reciting the Pater Noster (Lords Prayer) and a few Ave Maria’s. Sadly the results were predictable, their invisible friend worked in mysterious ways and they had to resort to uttering the ‘Glory be’ as well. Chuck in a few meetings (Between humans) weighing up the facts and they got their answers. Building old and cold, population old or getting there, location no longer suitable: we ought to move elsewhere. As a non religious person it is very easy to work this out for oneself, how ever some people will argue till they are blue in the face that the Holy Ghost thing helped them in their decision making. Sure it did. Just as the meeting involved dialogue between people and got stuff done.

I woke early this morning, whats more important I got up as well, it feels a whole load better than lingering in bed half the morning and doing nothing. If the weather behaves I shall vacuum the car, otherwise I shall do the decorating, probably both. I may even write the more or do some marketing work after all I do have a stomach to feed and bills to pay. You cannot run a business on Hail Mary’s, instead you ought apply discipline, hard work and a willing positive attitude to your labours. Eat properly, sleep properly and be prepared to put the hours in. Treat your business like a garden only water that which you wish to see grow and you will soon see the results of your labours.

The sun is shining, the cats are fed and it is time to start doing stuff. I shall be back in later to have some breakfast and start on the next thing. I guess it will be some decorating work, not very exciting I know, however the house will look nicer for it and I can get rid of this tin of paint, put the equipment away and get a portion of counter top back. This is the ultimate goal for today, to liberate the counter top from the paint tray and brushes.

To believe or not to believe

politics and religion

Once upon quite a while ago I had this pull along chicken. It was a wooden chicken and made a convincing clucking noise as I pulled it up and down the corridors at home. This way I thought it would get it’s exercise and hence lay eggs, cause sure enough each time it went for a ‘walk’  an egg would be sat under it the next morning.

Some people believe in a patriarchal authority figure flies through the sky delivering presents every mid winters eve in an aerodynamically unsound structure being pulled by a herd of ruminants.

I was speaking to a man in the queue at my local supermarket a few days ago and cause it was boring we struck up a socially distanced conversation. Somehow we got onto the subject of Government and politicians. I asked him do you trust (believe) your elected representatives and the current leader of our country?  replying in the affirmative I asked him why  and pointed out  some of the inaccuracies and failings we have witnessed coming from the hands of these people in the last few weeks and months and asked are these the actions of honest people?

Imagine my surprise one day when my wooden egg laying friend ceased to lay, chickens stop laying when they get old and or infirm, not that I knew this at the time or cared for that matter, my morning egg was absent. I soon found out of course and not only felt betrayed but also a little silly, I do not know how old I was but old enough I guess to have known better that  it had been my Mother doing the dirty and putting an egg under said Chicken.

Anyway back to the supermarket. I questioned the man as to whether the deeds committed  by the people in question proved their probity, and demonstrated reliability and honesty in their dealings. He replied “They do not.” Perhaps he thought I was some Agent Provocateur, heaven knows I do look a little different to most people (funny hair, covered in ink and wearing filthy clothes. ( My hands were clean)

Some people even think there is an invisible man in the sky who watches our every action and listens to our every word and made us in his own image. (Are you invisible and have these powers) i spoke to my neighbour yesterday and he is not invisible, he spoke to me so I guess he could see me as well.

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Religion and politics are in fact very similar they are largely based on lies and control. Frighten the people with hell fire and an invisible self created enemy and you are onto a winner, Now tell them you need their money and lots of it and you are made for life.

I am currently in the process of digging a hole for my pre formed pond to go into. Nobody said it would be easy in fact the sales person said it would be quite hard work. I believe them. This does not mean of course you ought think every sales man is straight and honest, just look at the ones in parliament and your local church. they are selling you a product just like they did to your parents, who sold the same thing to you.

Religion.. I would sooner choose the Chicken.

Jesus was a black man

Uncategorized

It is nearly the second week in my new career. I can at least say I am happier than I have been in a long time. Did I say that last time? So what if I did. I managed to drill though a pipe today. (Again)  and to top it all the hedge cutter blew up, it gave out a big bang like crack a shot of electric light and the smell of smoke. I think it is now broken.

I miss not being at work, but am enjoying the warm weather and  have been doing stuff about the garden. J is doing well, this makes me a lot happier and puts a lot of stresses to bed. I can at least sleep peacefully,even if I do need to get up at some unearthly hour to pee, I am at least sleeping properly.

FOR ALL YOU PEOPLE WHO THINK HE IS A WHITE MAN

perhaps I am drinking a little bit to much right now, but a lot less than I used to, Should I drink more tea. The administrator in the office is married to my manager.  They are both nice people and I have bruises from training.

Jesus was a black man, anything else is ridiculous.

To bury the dead is one of the corporal acts of mercy.

 

Childhood and the church

politics and religion, Uncategorized

The time has come for a change from speaking about mental health, anxiety and that sort of thing. I feel the time has come to write a little about the past. The past affects us in different ways but one thing is for certain, it is the reason why we are in the positions we are in now.

Or at least that is the theory and what they love to tell you at school and in other places as well.

So when I was a youngster, I was being raised as a good Catholic boy, by a good catholic mother who amongst other things had some fantasy (shall we call it?) that one day I would be a missionary somewhere in Africa.  Its another story and can wait for another day.

So my mum thought it would be a good idea to have me turned into an altar boy, that is to serve the priest at mass. Unhappily I was never the most attentive of Father’s acolytes, I fiddled with the medal I had to wear around my neck. (you were “given” it on your saint’s day) I never quite managed to ring the bell the correct number of times, twice instead of thrice, that is when I was not trying to dismantle the thing.

Where I was useless at serving God, I was good in other ways. Mum thought it a good idea that I could help Father by putting out the vestments  for the week day mass, it was quite simple nip over the road, put the glad rags out and back again. However there was the question of the altar wine, which it has to be said was pretty good stuff, it was sweet made my feet tingle and it was nice. And I could say that the Devil tempted me.