Yesterday I started writing a blog, This morning I dismantled and erased it. I thought it was crap! Today I am going to paint more and write about something else, other than stuff that is going down at home. Though that shall be sneaked in at points as well. It is more than anything, deciding what to write about, indecision perhaps being most relevant right now. I have been thinking about making Stinging Nettle beer, does anybody have a clue what 800 grams of those things looks like? Neither do I. I spent yesterday evening painting some landscapes and getting new ideas down on paper at least, the next days, even today I will be doing something more constructive and bringing these ideas into the light. Looking for work though not so enjoyable is also necessary.
The thing about being an artist, it is quite easy to compare yourself to those who have gone before. The leonardo’s, van Goghs and others and thinking to yourself” why do I even bother? I can never be as good as those guys.” Actually I am not a great fan of that Leonardo man, but anyway if we can compare ourselves to other people we get nowhere in our own journey. We each have our own style of thinking, of working and speaking and this is something we ought to remember. We can study how Vincent painted, we can study leonardo and his stuff, we can learn maybe even copy but you/we cannot be that person. EVER! Or anyone else for that matter.
Being grateful for what you have, is a far better stance than being miserable for what you do not have. You wanna be as rich as that Bezos man? Good ,you get the stupidly long hours and ridiculous amounts of responsibility as well. Just think about how far he can fall, and how far you can fall. Many of us want to be wealthy and like the idea of having lots of money, some of us even grizzle about how we need so much more. We make ourselves poor, just by thinking like that. Other people complain how Bezos does not pay enough tax etc he is so wealthy that he can currently give every many, woman and child on the planet $26.23 dollars (Increasing daily) which for many is next to bugger all. Now imagine the day when he can give all those people, you and me included $5,000 or more. That day is fast approaching, now imagine Bill Gates and et al all doing the same, will you be complaining then? I don’t think so and if you are, then you ought give it back to them, cause it will be wasted on you.
Even though it would be a nice thing to write everyday, there are times when that does not happen. This is due to one thing or another and sometimes something else, the rest of the time I am probably painting.
It is a good thing to remember that creativity comes in many forms and ‘beating’ yourself up cause you have not stuck to your goals is good for nothing. better to just accept you are human and are not infallible. The painting has been taking over these last few days and it is nice to retreat back up to the library and do some writing instead. Being up here means I get to sit in a comfy chair and not be distracted by canvas, paint and brushes.
I am currently working on finishing off the back room, this is after thinking it was all done, when it was not. The wood work is displeasing to my eye and needs correcting, the door frame has been stripped down, the door removed from it’s hinges. Later on I shall probably apply paint stripper to the skirting boards and maybe pull out the fridge and freezer and do behind them too.
Today was a day of not doing very much, no garden pond, no redecorating, no tidying no nothing a day of relaxation (almost) But I did pick up a paint brush and use it for it’s intended purpose that of applying paint to canvas. I also worked through one of my old set of ramblings and found staying on subject a bit of a chore and not because what I was working from is rambling to say the least and frequently jumping from one subject to another, smoking, alcohol, Pink Floyd, Cannabis Chernobyl and radiation.
It would be easier if I could read my hand writing and feel sorry for anybody who has to read it in my place like someone marking an examination paper, I have argued this one with the university authorities numerous times and explained this and that and the other and they do not want to know. I need an official letter stating I have a hand writing disability or similar type condition. It’s enough to make a cat laugh.
I explained this dilemma to my Tom cat ( that’s him in the photo) and all he did was purr and proceed to lick his backside, he cares… about food, a warm bed and home and not much else.J just pointed out that I repeated myself that’s cut,copy and paste for you and I forgot to check it through or if I did it wasn’t noticed.
I would really like to write more but cannot find the words to write right now, perhaps it is time for bed or something.