RANDOM WONDERINGS

Uncategorized

So working at home has overtaken me and the upload device on the website has ground to a halt. I am unable to upload my painting of Betty Page with her breasts exposed, so I am drinking tea instead. Clicking on the reload button has of course taken things back to zero but I could do with a break from the art work thing. having thrashed out a ton of material yesterday, I think I am in need of a rest. That shall come later I have some more work to do first and training later. Then I shall sleep like a baby and for having done a good days work I shall sleep even more soundly. I do not know about other forms of employment and for that matter I do not really care, having decided long ago it is a pointless exercise wasting my time on other peoples shit, it never lasts for long and I only get depressed and somewhat suicidal. The very idea of slaving on the minimum for some other bastard fills me with a sense of horror, only exacerbated by the medication I am on which lists confusion,depression and aggression amongst the side effects . . Still I am glad to be near free of discomfort and this I imagine will only decrease as the dosage increases. Hopefully some day soon the doctors will be able to fix the thing completely. Only time will tell on that one.

BETTY PAGE

What else? Oh yes I went into town the other day, Saturday to be precise. It was as I thought it would be, a god damned awful experience, it started raining, parking was hideously expensive and is enough to deter me from going there again. looking at it, what is there I cannot get delivered to my door? In future I may just cycle in and get some exercise at the same time. I may just tolerate it that way and not want to top myself for living in such a shite city. Please do not come here, it is diabolically awful in any number of ways. The only saving grace is the nice buildings we have, not that you can really go into them. The custodians of the places are a bunch of fussy so and so’s, they do not like common riff raff entering their temples of learning. I cannot say blame them for being so. The buggers inside called students pay a fortune to learn shit in those places, they cannot have them being contaminated by the townies. The Dons would not like it very much either, the riff raff might drop cigarette butts on the ground and even belch or Dog forbid. Fart.

Sophia Loren in The Millionairess

This is of course all fantastical, all the above people fart, belch and the smokers amongst them drop ciggie butts on the floor they are human like the rest of us. Though saying that there is nothing wrong with having standards and good manners. Likewise there is nothing wrong with telling people you do not like to piss off , just do it as politely as possible. The weather has brightened up a little since I started writing so I am going to put some suitable clothes on and go plant the Foxgloves and those other things I have forgotten the name of. By the time that’s all done it will be time for lunch. The cats are currently fast asleep, kitchen noises will soon change that and it is predicted Ninja Cat will be down to investigate, scrounge and get in the way too. Otherwise life is pleasantly on the quiet side, I am able to get on with what I have to do, relax, if you can call it that, though this is the way I do relax. By doing things, being creative, productive and getting things out of the way that might otherwise bother my head unnecessarily.

Words and Pictures 2

Autobiographical, Uncategorized

This medication I am now on: I am not sure if I like it or really dislike it. It seems to have slowed me down immeasurably, concentration is more so my brain is somewhat numb and things inside are perhaps more distant. By that I mean the heart, the discomfort is still there but not nearly as pronounced. Sometimes I want to just say fuck it all and finish myself off but you you know something? Life is not like that, at least not here or right now. I have to piss a few more people off first and move all this artwork that has built up in the spare room. I may sell some of it. In the meantime I am putting it all online on various sites. It almost feels like depression, but without the inertia, that accompanies such. No black dogs either, just black cats. maybe it is having finally ditched mainstream employment, and handling the change that has caused this emotional state. Fuck knows! The state of the world, mid life crisis…Any number of different things, but most of all the medication, I think it is that, one quickly followed the other, actually they all came together. Too much to handle? No just enough, just let me process it all first. I have been to hell before and this is the ante chamber, I know where the exit is, up the backstairs and to pastures new. The last time me and the devil met, I grinned like an idiot and got out of there pdq.

I would be fucking slaughtered within half an hour if I was doing my old job now. These meds have slowed things down a degree or three, sorry if I drag on about the meds but they are ( I think) helping me get things done. maybe it is just the incentive to get things done and to keep doing things, making progress and moving forward. Someday all this shit will be over and we can dance again, not because the music is playing but because the nonsense is over and nobody listens to the bull crap anymore. At least I know now why I am shouty and want to thrash people, it is the medication not lunacy. Is there anything to temper this urge to kill people? I suppose alcohol might help as may weed, blitzen I have both at my disposal Fuck!, Arse, Bollocks! Piss! Where have the paintings of Glastonbury gone? Oh wait I have not checked under the sofa yet, I must make some tea. Found them in the bedroom cupboard along with a bunch of Pink Floyd memorabilia, maybe someone or somebody will buy it and help me clear some space here.

I won some lottery yesterday, clearly choosing my numbers is a better way forward than those lucky dips, do you remember the lucky dip at the fun fair? Putting your hand in a large bin full of small parcels and coming up with something, that promised to be either rubbish or clutter. I may head into town later on and go on a charity shop raid for nice books and that. There again, I may say stuff that idea, it is cold out, despite the sun shining and the meds are playing with my head. Maybe the fresh air will do me good, it certainly did last time before I started the meds. There is no harm in looking and there is usually fuck all to buy in town. It is totally gutted and devoid of any independent stores, the council have really ballsed up their ‘attempts’ at encouraging trade in Oxford. I hope they fall at the next election, we could be well rid of the socialists and their bent arsed agenda.