My nerves feel at breaking point and my mind is trying to spin me all sorts of strange and sometimes unpleasant ideas. One minute the idea of killing myself pops up, the next how peaceful death would be. Then some fucker comes along and reminds me off the person who finds the corpse, how are they going to feel… I want my cat to come home, I miss him dreadfully and want to hold him in my arms. The rest of it is down to Cyclothymia. I am currently experiencing a downward mood. It’s not fun, but I have to take the rough with the smooth. Happily it makes for something to write about.
I have been wanting to go buy garden shredders and chain saws, a result of doing the garden. I have done loads out side. chopped stuff back, cleared away waste. I have finally planted the vine, in the greenhouse. The flower pots are now in a neat pile at the back, they will be sorted in due course. The Tomatoes look and taste beautiful, far better than the crap in the shops. The bits I want to remove on the Nut Tree have been marked. Chopped up, it will make beautiful fire wood. As will the pile of stuff in the hollow. Something for the equinox perhaps. Blessed be.
I guess I shall be creating a missing notice this afternoon. That and or, going knocking on doors, with a photograph. There is no Karate training tomorrow evening, which means I can spend the day looking for him. Unless of course, he does what he did last time. Appearing as soon, as I start looking for him. So why am I writing this, when I could be out looking. Well TBH I told myself I would do the garden first, then blog and whilst being creative, would make a missing cat sign. All while, thinking about food. I am going to put something on to warm in a couple of minutes., then do the notice. All whilst listening to Roger Waters solo project: ‘The pros and cons of hitch hiking’ This version appears to be missing; 5.06 AM Every strangers eyes.
When I was a youngster, I had an Action Man toy, who’s limbs could be pulled out of their sockets and left to dangle. \sometimes they fell off and would be reset by my Mum, a physiotherapist. This would be done with a rubber band and things would be as right as rain almost immediately. I went training last night and had my arms and legs pulled out of their sockets, twisted around and left feeling sore and bruised. Is this some kind of karma for my previous abuses of my plastic mannequin figure manufactured by Palitoy? If so, it has been carrying on long enough and today I can barely move without feeling like my leg or arm are falling off. I had a couple of Action Men , the latter one had ‘Eagle eyes’ that operated through a lever in the back of his head, he also had flock hair. Over the course of his glorious career, Action Man acquired a tank, a whole bunch of guns and a deep sea diving suit, the old fashioned type. Which he used to investigate the bottom of the garden pond. His attempts at parachuting out of the bedroom window, met with mixed results, my parents clearly thought it was a dangerous hobby, refusing to sanction this new hobby. To circumvent this drawback, I manufactured a ‘chute out of a section of fabric, tied string to the corners and around AM’s torso like I had seen in the films on tv, fully encouraging this new, exciting activity. Landing on solid concrete from about 30 feet up, without an adequate means of deceleration has it’s drawbacks. AM was hard as f*ck, he was so hard he had a scar running down his cheek.
Other news, or soon to be news. I am going to potter around in the garden today, enjoying the sunshine and doing garden related stuff. I may go for a cycle afterwards, this time taking the correct bunch of keys, so I can lock the bike up in town. I shall probably be getting a re-supply of my medication as well. Though that will depend on my dealer and his whereabouts. Happily I have a few days worth left and may well not bother. Running out does not bother me nearly so much as it used to. I really want to get some stuff up in the attic and some other stuff down. I shall be relaxing my mind away, from those things I do not get done and cheering myself on those that I complete.
I am surprised Action Man has not been ‘woked’ yet and being marketed as Trans Action Man. I think I may well have to write on this at a later time.
I have been sitting around, twiddling my thumbs and letting good ideas go to waste these last few weeks. So as a result I thought it a good to stop painting at least for a little while and write instead. It makes more sense than being peed off at a lack of productivity and or creative output, the garden is part of that, but is largely eyes only, a place to hide in and have peace away from the world. That is why I help my mate dig out his allotment and prepare for a new growing season, it also keeps us both fit and to create another place of serenity and peace as well.
The weather is being nice again, it is warm and though the nights are drawing in, there is still plenty of light in the evening to garden and to plan out the land for the future. Many people are concerned about the lack of goods on the shelves, growing your own may help (in part at least) Others are concerned about the Covid and its many variants. Certainly more and more employers are insisting that staff get jabbed up, yet the govt. (Do you trust them) are now talking about booster shots, will their nonsense and fear mongering ever stop? Or is that the Medias task. talking about the media, do you know where that word comes from?
Medea was a sorceress from Greek myth, the daughter of King Aeetes of Colchis and a niece of Circe. Strangely enough, another sorceress, who appears in the Odyssey, the Ulysee’s journey home from Troy. Anyway she was known as a sorceress and for hypnotising and otherwise manipulating people through devious means. Have you noticed how the media does the same sort of thing, frightening people with stores of disease, horror, war, famine and Dog knows what else. Conspiracy mongers even suggest that the media and govt. work hand in hand to manipulate and cow people into submission and paranoia. They may well be right, certainly there is so much in society these days, that it makes you think a little bit. The media also makes you stupid, through brain dead television and magazine publications. Have you watched the box recently, what did you last watch? Or more accurately, what do the listings offer? Celebrity, reality tv and soap opera’s. Little or nothing of use or knowledgeable to the human mind or spirit. Is sport actually that interesting, it is certainly a great waste of time, especially watching it.
There are a thousand better things to do than watch sport, handing your money to bloated billionaires who do not give a fuck for you or your families. They care about money and having more of it. They want you to be sat in front of the box watching overpaid idiots kicking a bag of wind around a field, distracting you from the amount of shit they are wreaking upon the world. They want you to divide yourselves into different camps, under different flags with different ideologies. That way they will win, whilst you are hating and dividing and being conquered. It is time to wake up, take action and tell your elected representatives to go fuck themselves. Switch off the tell-a-lie-vision, stop buying newspapers and those dreadful magazines and do something positive, take back control and boot out the likes of Johnson and Biden, remembering to get rid of their hangers on at the same time. Johnson does not know his arse from his elbow, he bluffs and blusters to make himself more charming. He is a stinking sociopath and an idiot to boot. Biden, from my experience of working in care, looks like he has Alzheimers or at least the beginnings of, just like Ronald Reagan. Who barely knew one thing from another at the beginning of his presidency, let alone at the end of it.
What else? I mowed the lawn yesterday and went over my mates allotment and dug over the land to prepare it for future productivity. I have also been job hunting like a man possessed and as a result am fed up to the back teeth of filling in application forms and going to interviews. Though I imagine, there might be a bit more before I find a new place to earn my bread. It is either work or winning the lottery, maybe a combination of both. I would still work, just on my own stuff. University is starting back soon and I am looking forward to that.
Whilst in the midst of not looking for work. (Something I am not very good at) and studying (which needs improvement) I have been dropping by garden centres and the like and getting things in the ground for the new season. Other than that, contemplating empty hanging baskets and mending the cat, not much has taken place. Now the weather is nice, I am spending a bit more time out on the bicycle. I need the fresh air, space and exercise, it helps clear out my chest and lungs to. You see there is or at least was some unwanted matter there. It’s not the Covid, probably more just dust and stuff. Anyway I felt a lot better for my ride out into town the other day. Spring time being here, it is probably a good time to get out, and taking more fresh air, getting fit again.
I was going to write about a foul medical doc. I watched the other evening. Happily it has been lost forever, instead I shall write about something else. Not gardening though, every other thing on this page must look like it is to do with gardening. It just seems more interesting than house work and clearing up behind the Children. (Cats) Trust me, there is nothing exciting about what those wretched animals do or leave behind, expecting someone else to clean up behind them. They are lazy, demanding and for two of them… Vocal. However I would not swap them for anything, and they will always come first. What else is there,? Not much to be honest, it has been a remarkably uneventful few days here. Most of my time has been spent gardening, studying and or painting. The rest of it, well day dreaming and that kind of thing. Not worrying my head if I do not need to and spending more time in the here and now than previously.
It is high time, I checked to see if the Stylus has arrived, after that I am going to do some more school work and read about the deprivation in London in the late Nineteenth century.
Today is going to be spent doing a few things around the place. I have a pond to measure up, a course of lessons on Russian history to put together and I may well go for a cycle ride and get me a bottle of Stout. It is St. Patricks day after all and being a good Irishman it would be rude not to. otherwise things here are going pretty good, met a couple of friends I have not seen in a while yesterday. in one case around fifteen years, they have not changed a bit. It is gladdening to see these recent travails what with the Convid have not affected them. Everybody is still bright eyed and bushy tailed and still possessed of their usual good humour. The old pond has found a new home and I have been asked to lend some gardening advice, which is great cause as I have a glut of tomato’s and other plants coming on.
After writing this, I am going to go do a bit of gardening and burn off some excess energy being creative and all that. I also feel like going to the garden centre, but you know something, these are dangerous places if you have a bank card with you. It is probably easier just to do some tidying up instead and make the place look nice. In due course, I shall be looking at getting some fish for the pond and work on creating a bog garden of some sort, if it is at all practicable. The idea of Newts, Frogs and creatures of a similar ilk pleases me immensely and having them in the garden even more so.
What else? Oh yes of course, I am celebrating today, not because it is St. Patricks day, but because I am single man again. Even better I shall soon have the house back to myself and even though that may sound a little selfish, it will be most liberating. The idea of being able to do my own thing at whatever time and making as much noise as I want cheers me immensely. Firstly I must start watching my eating habits, and dealing with stress more effectively, the first is easy, the second just as so. It is simply a matter of acknowledging the causes and then dealing with them in an effective and timely manner. The weather looks a little overcast and I currently have a cat sat over on my shoulders. It is a long time since he last sat here and he is a great comfort.
Whilst the sun shines outside, I am compelled to read and to write on the Industrial decline in the late 19th century, compared to the bit about Empire, it is a little tedious, dealing more with figures than massacres and competition from foreigners more than foreigner bashing. Oh how this countries imperial past has faded. To be honest it was never particularly radiant to begin with, with most of our crowned heads having been despotic sociopathic idiots. Just like our elected politicians, who are dishonest at best and bloody liars at their worst. The trouble is people actually believe them, then vote for the wretches every four/five years, thinking stuff will change. Does a leopard change his spots? Neither does the government.
It is a howling gale outside today, but the sun is shining and that is good. It makes a vast improvement on yesterdays dam grey stuff. When the weather is nice, I like to get out and plant things, today it was the turn of the Hyacinths. I really want to plant those things from the greenhouse, I also want to chop back the hedge. I chopped some hedge and it started to rain and rather than get the electrics wet, I put everything away again. Gardening is an enjoyable activity at any time, the opportunities for creativity are almost boundless.
J has had a nagging migraine all day today and probably last night as well. I am lucky, I have never had one of these things. Whilst she has been resting up I have been writing my resumé and pulling the HiFi system out of the attic, the next task will be to start pulling out furniture, playing around with wires and cables and setting it all up. Hopefully I can eliminate the howl from the record deck this time.
Like many people I failed to see the interview with the ex prince (neither of his parents are ginger) and his Mrs. last night. This is not because I do not have a television, I just did not give a toss and had better stuff to do. Elsewhere some person dropped a gaffe and made a joke about a TV/TS people, dropping herself in the brown stuff at the same time. To save her wretched arse and her legions of fans, (probably) She wrote a long grovelling letter of apology that would not have looked out of place, from a politician after having been caught shagging his secretary. Finally and praise the lord indeed, Piers Morgan, has left his job, actually his presence on TV never bothered me cause I do not watch TV.
So what has happened these last days? I got my assignment back from uni. (Happy) and have bought a hedge cutting machine. (fun) The warm weather and sunshine have brought out the gardener in me and the joy of putting seeds into pots and weeding flower beds has been rekindled. The hazards of making bonfires in wheel barrows shall be recalled in the next couple of days or so. Then … Who knows? probably school work to be honest, then something else. I am just glad, that I have better things to occupy my mind than buying newspapers and listening to the incessant noise of the TV box. Which makes me ask another question, Just what is this obsession people have with celebrities?
I should like to write more on this sub species of Homo Sapiens at a later date, right now I have some rubbish to put in the bin.
So for want of anything better to do today, we both decided to dry ourselves out for the foreseeable future. This was after drinking all the available Alcohol in the house and getting a little tipsy in the process. There is actually a bunch more booze tucked away under the stairs, but that is not ready for consumption yet.
This afternoon we both went into the garden and tidied up the Fig tree, removing all the dead fruit and cutting back any dead wood. All the rubbish went in the bin, the sun shone and the birds sang, we had a thoroughly pleasant time together. J put some nice lotus ‘flowers’ on the pond and soon we shall get fishes to.
Other news, I have been doing some intuitive drawings of past lives, (I believe in reincarnation) and it was satisfying, relaxing… fun. J is now having a rest and I am speaking to Lulu the cat, she likes having lots of attention and meows if she thinks I am not giving her enough. I must bring in the curtain soon, it is outside drying after a wash as Lulu peed on it this morning. I ought give the floor where it hangs a mop as well, before she gets more ideas.
One of the good things about the Covid is, it has kept the religion peddlers away. Since it all started, back whenever it was, just after I lost my last job I / We have had nothing but peace here. Don’t get me wrong I am delighted the Jehovah’s W’s are staying away. perhaps word has got around that the man with curly hair, gives their adherents ‘tea’ and threatens to set the Cat on them. ( One of those statements is true) My Tomcat is a big soft lump and runs away from anything bigger than himself. Many years ago a friend and I used to grow cannabis in the garden, over about five years we grew almost twenty plants which were described by some people as: “The strongest shit they had ever smoked.” and “I smoked half that spliff and I had to put it down, what was that sh** you sell me?” In all honesty, we planted some seeds in some pots and let them grow. When they were big enough, we put them in the ground and they flourished. Some of them grew to about 13-15 feet. The neighbours admired them, the police flew over them (Several times) and nobody cared a toot.
Before anybody gets ideas about coming to pay me a visit and pretending to be a window washer, these photos are about six years old and the most exciting stuff growing here now are Rose Bushes. Plus I will set the cat(s) on you. I gave up smoking , it no longer had the desired effect, I have not smoked since and enjoy having a relatively clear head and not being despondent or just plain stoned. The man with the Chicken T shirt and Tattoo’s now collects Teddy Bears and drinks tea.
It’s been a couple of days and to celebrate not having had a drink, I am enjoying having a clear head and doing something else instead, namely writing. If you want to know what I have been doing this weekend then click on the link HERE or you can carry on reading cos tomorrow I am back to doing school work and being a student again. I actually enjoy studying and making my brain work in different ways, I treat the writing side of things as a creative exercise which makes things more tolerable and easier to deal with than previously. Though saying that, dragging myself away from watching films in the evenings may be a little difficult but only if I let it so.
Two days later and it is time to do some home brew operations, or shall I do some baking. Jackie wants to bake bread so best I do homework first and keep the kitchen clear, though perhaps I shall wash the plates up first and provide a space she can work in. I may well end up making Peppermint Creams, we both like those, however they make a lousy breakfast so the bread takes priority today. There are of course other activities not involving the kitchen, painting, writing, the planting of bulbs. That kind of thing I have been grousing about these last few days, even the hedge may get a hair cut, though my attempts at getting J to ‘mow’ the lawn with a pair of kitchen scissors have come to nothing. We both want to get some fish for the pond and start bringing it to life, I wonder when the Frogs will arrive, Newts, Serpents?
I have had it reliably put to me that frogs and newts do not cohabit in the same space so happily the latter will eat the spawn of the former and the former become displeased, I am not sure about Toads, but Dragonflies seem quite happy as do a whole myriad of small and interesting things, adding plants will only encourage a healthy environment and make it all the more interesting. The cats seem to like meditating round there as well, as do I especially when the weather is warm. The title is misspelt for a reason.