So J went back to the US back on the 12th and the day before that the cat took sick. Happily the cat is well on the road to recovery, Jackie has got a permanent residence and the vet bills required me to change my plans for the month and spend the lot on Mr. Fox ( The cat) I have never been happier to spend so much on anyone in my entire life. he had an abscess, that was pressing on his spine and must have been causing excruciating amounts of discomfort. Long story short, the thing burst, closed up, reopened and oozed lots of thick green ‘snot’. The secondary infection was due to his getting outside and going on an all-nighter. Operation, stitches and being indoors is probably getting him by now, especially as the weather is nice again. I take him out a few times a day, making sure to hold him and prevent any mad dash for freedom he may make. Though what with a cone/collar thing on I doubt he will get too far.
J and I are now simply friends, we have different priorities to each other and we each must steer our own course. It is no good us being in the same ship anymore. I imagine our paths will cross again in the future. Though I imagine not least until the Covid business has cleared off and we are given something new to worry ourselves over. What else? Oh yes I have run out of weed. Years ago this would have caused a huge amount of distraction and concern. Today I could not care less and shall enjoy cleaning my act up a little bit. Smoking fogged my mind and did not allow for clear thinking, which hindered study, which caused anxiety issues neither of which I currently need. My painting has resumed, new ideas are flourishing and I am happy.
I hope to be getting back onto the blog more often now things have calmed down a little bit. I also want to be working on the website and promoting my work a little bit more. I shall also be applying for some kind of employment soon. Something simple, stress free and enjoyable. I do not think it will involve wearing a tie. It may allow me to get away with wearing a skirt, being more relaxed and informal.
We were planning on going out for a walk in the local park today, the weather got in the way so we went to the dump instead. It was closed and we came home again. J made some lunch and we ate. Riveting stuff. Because of my fast paced and action packed lifestyle I wish to write about something relaxing and easy going now and looking through my folder (one of several) I realise that to do anything from here would require patience, time and a lot of questioning, my handwriting sometimes has a lot to be desired and that is what makes the whole thing so joyful. I really ought get done and type up more of this stuff, somebody might even read some of it.
Now that would be awesome. What if I were to publish it? Let me do the writing up of it all first, in the meantime and whilst I have a clear head I shall go do some painting and regulate my day out some more, like I had planned before J came home. There is a whole host of subjects available to work from. Everything from Alcohol to porn. (A whole load of writing on that) Erm what else? Oh Jesus, Sex dolls and their various attributes. A bunch of stuff on my former employment as a salesman, A massive missive to an ex, though I think that can wait for another day and another letter to an imaginary person written when I ought to have been smearing gravy browning on ‘Chocolate cakes’ Something else about a Govt sponsored job club I was obligated to attend, but only managed twice, cause it was shite and the third time I was supposed to g I found some magic mushrooms in the park which were far more interesting. What I am saying is I have a whole bunch of stuff available to work from even the crap poems I wrote and the two pages on immoderate language and swearing, which was another job club thing. More alcohol stuff. The electricity poem is quite good fun. (I Think it is) J would have a fine time, if I asked her to write this lot up, though I suspect half the time would be taken up with : what is this word? or who was this person?
Oh Jeez, my handwriting does something awful and goes very small, maybe I was saving ink. There is also something going back almost thirty years here, though that is already typed up and I can read it easily enough. Sadly and probably just as well, the poem about the Brown Trout is missing. Making things easier, I shall probably start with what’s already on the computer and work from there. There is a lot I know and it all needs to be dealt with in it’s way, most of it is quite palatable, with plentiful mentions of politics and other contentious subject matter, though topics such as sex, religion and others may well crop up from time to time. Have you been watching the US election happenings/ I tried not to but with J being American it was hard not to. I won’t wish Mr. Biden luck or anything, he has quite enough to be getting on without my meddling in his affairs. Though why would anyone ever want such a Dogawful job beats the shit out of me, though he could have done worse and wound up in retail.
So these last days have been spent watching the rain fall outside my study window, and if not in there, then downstairs whilst painting. The website has also been getting a makeover and even if I find it a puzzle at times to work out the new system of doing things in page design … I have to embrace it all cause it is teaching flexibility and despite all the swearing it is actually a far better layout than it was and the whole thing looks better than it did previously.
Painting has been going on strong, I have spent more time recycling old boards and canvas to make into new work, this saves the hassle of having to go shopping, gets rid of old household paint makes space and saves money too. All of which are good things, and encourage me to practice more and not worry too much about supplies running low. Apart from work already in progress, I am switching back to Acrylic for the duration, it is easier to work with in any number of ways and does not stink like the other stuff. Still on art I am forcing myself to paint new material, stepping away from nude women whilst probably being the staple of many artists is getting rather boring. I may have to start painting men instead. Or should I use my imagination?
All of this seems far more interesting and easier than SEO, which looks like it could take a little while to get right and then keeping it right seems to be a full time job. Together with University coursework it looks like I may be busier than expected and that is exactly how I want things to be. Fully occupied. Finding a new employer could also be a useful aside but I am not running anywhere too quickly at the moment I do not care for this Corona business and would rather enjoy the late summer weather whilst I still can. Jackie is away at the moment, she is still in the US of course but is largely incommunicado I do miss her of course but does mean I can get on and do more work than I would normally get done. She ought to be back in town next week.
My apologies for the lack of punctuation in this blog.
So for all those people who got their A level results today and are now crying and complaining that they did not get the Three As they felt so entitled to, wanted or ‘expected’ I have this much to say to you. “Shut up”
You have been lied too, you do not need to go to University. The system wants you to go to University. to work up colossal debt you have little or no chance of paying back and with an ever shrinking job market leaving you with ever decreasing chances of finding employment and a greater likelihood of not being able to pay back what you owe.
You do not need to go to university, A levels or qualifications to make a success of your life. Far better to possess decency, common sense, creativity and a desire to succeed, these four will see you get more satisfaction from life than a school load of qualifications. Spend a few years in the workplace and get some life experience under your belt, get drunk, fall in love and see some of the world before trying to be Brain of Britain. Employers prefer staff members with life experience who know how to wash behind their ears, qualifications provide none of that.
Other matters now, these last days have been stupidly warm, happily we are due lots of cooling rain which will make things like a sauna instead of an oven. I may even go and do a bit of gardening later on, or maybe something else instead. The cats have each found their own methods of dealing with the weather one sits under an upturned pond liner and sleeps, another sprawls on the floor and sleeps and my queen? well she alternates between sleeping in the shade of the nut tree or being sprawled in the shade of the Fig tree. Sleeping. We can learn lots from cats and Nowness (that of being in the present) is perhaps the most important, the other is not having a reliance of Facebook or other social media to satisfy our needs. Take a few days off of these places and see how much easier your life becomes and how much you get done in terms of personal productivity. Think of FB as akin to Alcohol or some other soporific and you will begin to understand the effect it can have on the brain.
Your time on this planet is finite and your allotted portion passes quickly. Use it wisely to benefit yourself and those you care for, stop giving it people who do not care.
So yet another year has passed, and for that matter so has another job/employer. This time over signing a piece of paper. It would seem’s my happy little brain is not very good at remembering such things. Never mind the place was badly run when I started there back last October and from there it has just got worse. Where else, would you find clothing and books ending up in the fridge next to the Yogurt and Cheese?
I feel half tempted to mention the name of the place here,but shall content myself with saying Heyford Hill. Make of it what you will.
Happier news now, I am having a spurt of growth in the creative department, and am pressing ahead with making some business out of it all. I am, if you have been visiting here regularly have realised by now I am not very good at holding down employment. Well I can barely sack myself, can I?
I don’t want to post anything art wise on this post, this does not mean I have been lazy. Far from it, I have simply played around with camera’s enough for one day and am feeling hungry, it is after all lunch time.
Instead I thought I would share a photo my best friend/Fiance took of me a couple of day ago. We aim to get all three of the cats involved at some point.
BTW Jessica is my real name, and any idea’s of my being trans should not be entertained. I just happen to enjoy wearing women’s clothes.
So since the last job fell through or should that be since the universe wanted something else of me. Actually enough has already been written about this time, So it is better to write of something else.
My efforts at looking for re-employment have been minimal half of me says go look the other half says PAINT and so it is the still quiet voice withing that is followed and the lure of an employer fails to attract me to its baited line. Call it lazy or call it whatever,painting brings me a great sense of peace and probably helps one deal with the torments of ADHD and mental ill health even the job centre have an appreciation of these things and they know me quite well in that place so much so I may as well apply for a job there, they may even employ me.
Brandy is a highly addictive substance, my Mum warned me about it many years ago and I mentioned this to her a few days ago when I was down that neck of the woods. She promptly warned me again. I think she noticed how much I was drinking and it’s pointless denying it I drink just a little bit more than is sensible, or is the bottles are not big enough? One or the other, I have yet to establish which.
Other news, a career in the creative sector appeals to me, preferably self employed and I am applying myself diligently to this. It would be nice to have a studio to work from or maybe I can use the greenhouse, it’s big enough for sure and has plenty of light coming in. I wonder what the cards would say to such an idea, actually I went to check a place yesterday, it’s not great but a step in the right direction for sure. teaching art to the greater community and sharing ones skills in encouraging others to be creative with paint. Yeah.
Sophia loren is a beautiful woman. However my fiance J is just that bit more so. x
It seems the cycle is doomed to repeat itself and the career to end my career is not that one. Again I find myself unemployed and twiddling my thumbs, this morning was pretty awful had a really black mood and was feeling most depressed. You have to look at the bright side of things and consider they only gave you three weeks annual leave and that could not be taken all at once. So that’s a real sod if you are planning on getting married and taking your lovely wife to be on a honeymoon somewhere and planning to help your Father in law repair the house, because you said you would and it’s a way of getting to know the him better.
This and other things I have been brooding over for a little while and the answer has been provided. So should I be happy or should I be sad. and I’m not happy and I’m not sad. At least I have discovered I like doing admin.
I have this unfortunate habit of telling people what I really think and it comes to the fore when I have been drinking. The hotel we were put in last week was a glitter covered turd. Bugger all in the way of vegetarian food, and that was below par, the beds were rock hard… I was going to complain I cannot now be bothered.
I have been listening to the Smiths and Morrissey a lot of recent, can you tell?
I always thought the smell of that Formaldehyde or whatever they use gets up my nose and did not want to leave. I am glad to leave it behind, though I am curious about the pink stuff in that jar in the cupboard.
There have been major changes since i last posted anything on here. Virtually all the naked women/porn has been removed,it looks cheap and tacky. My websites have all been amalgamated into one, making things easier to manage look after. I am out of work, actually this is a common issue, hopefully it is changing. I do not know the World record for numbers of employers in a working career, I’m sure I am pretty close to it, if not the unofficial holder. Does anybody know the real figure?
I am back in the Mother country now, the weather is windy and alternates between sunshine and rain. A bit like my mental health. The cats are all well and as demanding as they ever were, they seem to smell a bit, seeing as I have been away and cat free for so long. Has anybody else experienced this?
J and I speak everyday, several times a day actually we are missing each other horribly, but it spurs us on to bring our lives together faster and more permanently. I went for an interview a few days ago, it was a little nerve wracking, stepping out of my comfort zone and into an unknown environment. I am leaving retail behind it was making me sick, the anxiety issues were getting stupid to the point where I was frightened of leaving the house, in case I flipped and clobbered someone. The tablets are still working, The drinking has calmed down and makes me quite sleepy with even a “little”. I am sleeping properly.
I aim to do something creative today or even a couple of things. I have some ideas and things are beginning to take form. I have been inspired by some of the waterfalls in the Tompkins County/Ithaca area of NY State. I would like like to paint them “En Plein air.” at some juncture. I have deferred from Uni until October, to give myself time to get better. They are going to give me extra support and that, which is nice.
The sun is shining, it looks to be a nice day…. Coffee.
This is the first post in a little while,One has been procrastinating in part and otherwise occupied in other matters.
So the new University year has started and for what is the 3rd year of academic study in my journey to attaining a degree in the arts, I think it would be hard to ask for anything better, I now have several thick books with lots of writing and laden with images of beautiful art too, I could not be happier.
Studying aside, after 25+ years experience in the retail industry the time came to call an end to it all and have since moved into fundraising and the interesting thing is when I first moved to this city 23 years ago, I saw a notice for the people I know work for and something inside me said I would be working for them one day, well to be honest they have changed their name (once) in that time but their core mission and principles are the same. It beats stacking things on shelves, stock takes, positioning FSDU’s and the like, the mileage in the car has shrunk immeasurably, have more time to myself and am doing something I thoroughly enjoy.
When you bear in mind my last employers were Crooks (literally) in name and practice. It is so refreshing not to be dealing with those people anymore, I do not like people who cannot maintain professional distance and the administrator was just like that, a real nosey so and so, from Leeds which for those, who do not know is in West Yorkshire, their local Association Football club ( the game played with a round ball and eleven players on each team) is leeds Utd.
Football and Yorkshire aside, relationship wise we are still together she has gone home back to the States for the time being after being over here for 5 months.