If at first you fail, get up and …

Autobiographical

So far today I have attempted to write a fluid article on Russian scam brides, the kind you find cluttering your junk mail folder, the kind that say avoid like the Plague. The kind that says to adventurous opportunist artists, write back, get photos, paint them. This is what I was doing, the words were not flowing, they felt wooden and clumping, like wet cat litter, so I quit that and started on a new CV, making myself attractive to new employers, trying to tell them about my long and checkered work history and failing miserably in the process. In desperation, I made a simple meal, ate it and started writing this instead. That and watching some porn in another window, she has nice breasts and a fantastic bush. Her smile is quite engaging, but I guess that works better than a grimace or a frown. It’s all part of human psychology you know, a smile is welcoming, is warm and makes you want to get closer to each other. (usually)

Some porn

I could quite happily spend inordinate amounts of time watching porn, instead I spend amounts of time looking for work, knowing full well it will prove disastrous within a few weeks or so when I do find work. it is not negative thinking, it is a total fact. Having had 80+ previous employers I think somebody, somewhere is telling me something about what I ought be doing in terms of employment. Indeed I have written on this subject previously and seeing as it is quite dominant in my career record so far, it is time I took notice of it and did something about it. I can barely sack myself can I and when I do, I can be reinstated later that day. I have a set of ideas I would like to put into motion and with recent events as they are I am now in a position to be able to do so.

My cat is sitting on the back of the chair, keeping my neck warm. Ideally he wants to sit on my lap, however the desk gets in the way with his needs and my legs move around, disturbing his repose. I can scratch his neck easily and listen to his purring, that is despite the music playing. He likes to think He is in charge here, determining where he sits, when he is fed and the rest of it. Little does he know it, he is totally.

Otherwise I have been painting and drawing loads, have got through a large amount of the back log of incomplete work, started a bunch of new material and wonder how to correct glaring mistakes and paint splashes that could easily have been avoided. In the meantime I am posting lots of new material to my Instagram page and of course here.

Some more porn

Black cats and printers

Autobiographical, Uncategorized

So yesterday marked another transition in the great and often eventful journey that I shall call Peters Employment History, I think I am up to 83 now, give or take a couple, I did make a list a while ago now, but cannot be arsed with anymore. Like many an old film or repeat TV series it has a hole worn in the proverbial and is barely worth carrying on. Living in the past or at least dwelling on it is all good and fine for a little while but does no good if you are looking to and driving forwards in life, it is in fact a bit like being in charge of a motor vehicle and like not paying attention to what is going on around you whilst driving, can prove to be highly dangerous and costly. In the meantime I am going to be pursuing my own affairs, putting stuff in order and starting this New Year with the correct footwear on to get things done and working. I shall also be developing and working upon my website and doing some art promotion. I Think it is too late to do Art Weeks this year, it has alluded me for several years now, so hopefully I manage to get my shit in order for next year and other forthcoming events this year.

My printer has decided to stop working, I think it dislikes the non OEM cartridges I am feeding it, the issue is always with the cyan cartridge, this printer does not like blue for some reason, even when I am printing in black and white. can you believe a printer is so stubborn and crap that it will refuse to print a B&W document or image due to a stoppage in an unrelated area? I have had this machine for almost 10 years now and am giving it one last go with an OEM cartridge and if it denies me the pleasure of making my work space shake and rattle once more then it is going to a new home. I imagine there is a Birkenau ii type place for unruly printers, where they are dismantled and otherwise destroyed and made into something new. I have included a link for anyone who does not know what Birkenau was and trust me there are plenty of them, my former workplace had at least three of them. All they knew about was LGBTQIA+ and other trendy stuff that permeates charitable housing projects staffed by the often idealistic and naive. I would like to mention I have no gripe towards the people I used to work for, actually I did not work for them I just happened to work in their premises. A place that is fit for demolition and where the drains back up into each other, flush the lavvie in room 217 and a phantom turd appears in room 220, you get the general picture.

Sometimes I think this country could do with tidying up and I am not talking about the litter on the streets and people who throw or dump their crap by the side of the road, though that needs addressing as well. The current system is well easy to take the piss out of, claimants receive the rent as opposed to the landlord, that tells you a lot about things. Any benefit you do receive can be spent on almost anything including drugs and alcohol and other non essentials. J tells me in the US or at least NY state you get a payment card that is restricted on what you can purchase and from where, no alcohol, luxury goods and the rest. It is hard core and prevents misuse, in my opinion it is a brilliant idea. I would like to see addicts being given a choice rehab or prison and forcible rehabilitation. Re-education and making things the more unpleasant for non conformers. The benefits system needs to be shaken up. rent payments being made direct to the landlord and robust punishment for those who take the piss. As for putting bloody refugees before our own countries citizens that idea and practice can fuck off immediately. Fill the English channel with man eating sharks, that would deter the fuckers, it’s impractical I know no self respecting man eating shark would want to swim around in that ghastly stretch of water and it would bugger up places like Brighton.

May be a close-up of cat
Lulu Courtesy of Jacklyn Jay

I am going to spend the rest of the day, studying, painting and doing something called eating. I am currently feeling hungry and need to correct this imbalance. In the meantime Lulu the cat has come to remind me she needs fussing and is more important than anything she can think of, which is namely food and sleeping. She likes sitting on the desk up here in the library, where she can be fussed over and stroked to her hearts content, she was brushed this morning and her coat is now softer and glossier than it has been in quite a while. I must clean out the tray later on and replace the litter.

Uncategorized

So J went back to the US back on the 12th and the day before that the cat took sick. Happily the cat is well on the road to recovery, Jackie has got a permanent residence and the vet bills required me to change my plans for the month and spend the lot on Mr. Fox ( The cat) I have never been happier to spend so much on anyone in my entire life. he had an abscess, that was pressing on his spine and must have been causing excruciating amounts of discomfort. Long story short, the thing burst, closed up, reopened and oozed lots of thick green ‘snot’. The secondary infection was due to his getting outside and going on an all-nighter. Operation, stitches and being indoors is probably getting him by now, especially as the weather is nice again. I take him out a few times a day, making sure to hold him and prevent any mad dash for freedom he may make. Though what with a cone/collar thing on I doubt he will get too far.

Mr. Fox

J and I are now simply friends, we have different priorities to each other and we each must steer our own course. It is no good us being in the same ship anymore. I imagine our paths will cross again in the future. Though I imagine not least until the Covid business has cleared off and we are given something new to worry ourselves over. What else? Oh yes I have run out of weed. Years ago this would have caused a huge amount of distraction and concern. Today I could not care less and shall enjoy cleaning my act up a little bit. Smoking fogged my mind and did not allow for clear thinking, which hindered study, which caused anxiety issues neither of which I currently need. My painting has resumed, new ideas are flourishing and I am happy.

I hope to be getting back onto the blog more often now things have calmed down a little bit. I also want to be working on the website and promoting my work a little bit more. I shall also be applying for some kind of employment soon. Something simple, stress free and enjoyable. I do not think it will involve wearing a tie. It may allow me to get away with wearing a skirt, being more relaxed and informal.

Grey skies and Bach

Autobiographical

We were planning on going out for a walk in the local park today, the weather got in the way so we went to the dump instead. It was closed and we came home again. J made some lunch and we ate. Riveting stuff. Because of my fast paced and action packed lifestyle I wish to write about something relaxing and easy going now and looking through my folder (one of several) I realise that to do anything from here would require patience, time and a lot of questioning, my handwriting sometimes has a lot to be desired and that is what makes the whole thing so joyful. I really ought get done and type up more of this stuff, somebody might even read some of it.

Now that would be awesome. What if I were to publish it? Let me do the writing up of it all first, in the meantime and whilst I have a clear head I shall go do some painting and regulate my day out some more, like I had planned before J came home. There is a whole host of subjects available to work from. Everything from Alcohol to porn. (A whole load of writing on that) Erm what else? Oh Jesus, Sex dolls and their various attributes. A bunch of stuff on my former employment as a salesman, A massive missive to an ex, though I think that can wait for another day and another letter to an imaginary person written when I ought to have been smearing gravy browning on ‘Chocolate cakes’ Something else about a Govt sponsored job club I was obligated to attend, but only managed twice, cause it was shite and the third time I was supposed to g I found some magic mushrooms in the park which were far more interesting. What I am saying is I have a whole bunch of stuff available to work from even the crap poems I wrote and the two pages on immoderate language and swearing, which was another job club thing. More alcohol stuff. The electricity poem is quite good fun. (I Think it is) J would have a fine time, if I asked her to write this lot up, though I suspect half the time would be taken up with : what is this word? or who was this person?

A folder full of creative writing

Oh Jeez, my handwriting does something awful and goes very small, maybe I was saving ink. There is also something going back almost thirty years here, though that is already typed up and I can read it easily enough. Sadly and probably just as well, the poem about the Brown Trout is missing. Making things easier, I shall probably start with what’s already on the computer and work from there. There is a lot I know and it all needs to be dealt with in it’s way, most of it is quite palatable, with plentiful mentions of politics and other contentious subject matter, though topics such as sex, religion and others may well crop up from time to time. Have you been watching the US election happenings/ I tried not to but with J being American it was hard not to. I won’t wish Mr. Biden luck or anything, he has quite enough to be getting on without my meddling in his affairs. Though why would anyone ever want such a Dogawful job beats the shit out of me, though he could have done worse and wound up in retail.

PROGRESS AND MOTION

Autobiographical, Uncategorized

So these last days have been spent watching the rain fall outside my study window, and if not in there, then downstairs whilst painting. The website has also been getting a makeover and even if I find it a puzzle at times to work out the new system of doing things in page design … I have to embrace it all cause it is teaching flexibility and despite all the swearing it is actually a far better layout than it was and the whole thing looks better than it did previously.

Painting has been going on strong, I have spent more time recycling old boards and canvas to make into new work, this saves the hassle of having to go shopping, gets rid of old household paint makes space and saves money too. All of which are good things, and encourage me to practice more and not worry too much about supplies running low. Apart from work already in progress, I am switching back to Acrylic for the duration, it is easier to work with in any number of ways and does not stink like the other stuff. Still on art I am forcing myself to paint new material, stepping away from nude women whilst probably being the staple of many artists is getting rather boring. I may have to start painting men instead. Or should I use my imagination?

All of this seems far more interesting and easier than SEO, which looks like it could take a little while to get right and then keeping it right seems to be a full time job. Together with University coursework it looks like I may be busier than expected and that is exactly how I want things to be. Fully occupied. Finding a new employer could also be a useful aside but I am not running anywhere too quickly at the moment I do not care for this Corona business and would rather enjoy the late summer weather whilst I still can. Jackie is away at the moment, she is still in the US of course but is largely incommunicado I do miss her of course but does mean I can get on and do more work than I would normally get done. She ought to be back in town next week.

My apologies for the lack of punctuation in this blog.

Waiting for the rain

Uncategorized

So for all those people who got their A level results today and are now crying and complaining that they did not get the Three As they felt so entitled to, wanted or ‘expected’ I have this much to say to you. “Shut up”

You have been lied too, you do not need to go to University. The system wants you to go to University. to work up colossal debt you have little or no chance of paying back and with an ever shrinking job market leaving you with ever decreasing chances of finding employment and a greater likelihood of not being able to pay back what you owe.

You do not need to go to university, A levels or qualifications to make a success of your life. Far better to possess decency, common sense, creativity and a desire to succeed, these four will see you get more satisfaction from life than a school load of qualifications. Spend a few years in the workplace and get some life experience under your belt, get drunk, fall in love and see some of the world before trying to be Brain of Britain. Employers prefer staff members with life experience who know how to wash behind their ears, qualifications provide none of that.

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Other matters now, these last days have been stupidly warm, happily we are due lots of cooling rain which will make things like a sauna instead of an oven. I may even go and do a bit of gardening later on, or maybe something else instead. The cats have each found their own methods of dealing with the weather one sits under an upturned pond liner and sleeps, another sprawls on the floor and sleeps and my queen? well she alternates between sleeping in the shade of the nut tree or being sprawled in the shade of the Fig tree. Sleeping. We can learn lots from cats and Nowness (that of being in the present) is perhaps the most important, the other is not having a reliance of Facebook or other social media to satisfy our needs. Take a few days off of these places and see how much easier your life becomes and how much you get done in terms of personal productivity. Think of FB as akin to Alcohol or some other soporific and you will begin to understand the effect it can have on the brain.

Your time on this planet is finite and your allotted portion passes quickly. Use it wisely to benefit yourself and those you care for, stop giving it people who do not care.

I used to have this poster in my dormitory cubicle at school.

art and culture, Uncategorized

Why do I get these mad ideas into my head and work on them as if nothing else matters?

Why don’t I trust politicians or believe in priest’s?

Why do I like porn and why don’t I ditch it by the wayside? Why don’t I ditch alcohol (again) and leave that by the roadside too?

Why does long term employment evade me and why don’t I like employers?

Why is it I see through their shit and then tell them about it?

 

Why don’t I watch the news and buy their newspapers?

Why don’t I grow up and stop belching and finding toilet jokes funny?

Why don’t I stop farting, or can I even stop farting?

Why can’t I have something more simple than ADHD, why or why oh why do I have so much energy?

Why don’t I appreciate that ‘awful’ school my parents sent me too?

Why did those policemen let me go?

Why did that fool eat that bat?

Why is Donald Trump still alive? Why do they both have stupid looking hair?

Why does Jackie have a sn***le? and Why oh why have the owners of this web platform changed the layout and the way it all works? (WANKERS)

Why am I writing this shit? Why am I calling this SHIT shit?

 

 

 

 

 

Work and that

Autobiographical, Uncategorized

So yet another year has passed, and for that matter so has  another job/employer. This time over signing a piece of paper. It would seem’s  my happy little brain is not very good at remembering such things. Never mind the place was badly run when I started there back last October and from there it has just got worse. Where else, would you find clothing and books ending up in the fridge next to the Yogurt and Cheese?

I feel half tempted  to mention the name of the place here,but shall content myself with saying Heyford Hill. Make of it what you will.

Happier news now, I am having a spurt of growth in the creative department, and am pressing ahead with making some business out of it all. I am, if you have been visiting here regularly have realised by now I am not very good at holding down employment. Well I can barely sack myself,  can I?

I don’t want to post anything art wise on this post, this does not mean I have been lazy. Far from it, I have simply played around with camera’s enough for one day and am feeling hungry, it is after all lunch time.

Instead I thought I would share a photo my best friend/Fiance took of me a couple of day ago. We aim to get all three of the cats involved at some point.

 

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BTW Jessica is my real name, and any idea’s of my being trans should not be entertained. I just happen to enjoy wearing women’s clothes.

 

WHILST LISTENING TO BRUCE

Autobiographical, Uncategorized

So since the last job fell through or should that be since the universe wanted something else of me. Actually enough has already been written about this time, So it is better to write of something else.

My efforts at looking for re-employment have been minimal half of me says go look the other half says PAINT and so it is the still quiet voice withing that is followed and the lure of an employer fails to attract me to its baited line. Call it lazy or call it whatever,painting brings me a great sense of peace and probably helps one  deal with the torments of ADHD and mental ill health even the job centre have an appreciation of these things and they know me quite well in that place so much so I may as well apply for a job there, they may even employ me.

Brandy is a highly addictive substance, my Mum warned me about it many years ago and I mentioned this to her a few days ago when I was down that neck of the woods. She promptly warned me again. I think she noticed how much I was drinking and it’s pointless denying it I drink just a little bit more than is sensible, or is the bottles are not big enough? One or the other, I have yet to establish which.

Other news, a career in the creative sector appeals to me, preferably self employed and I am applying myself diligently to this. It would be  nice to have a studio to work from or maybe I can use the greenhouse, it’s big enough for sure and has plenty of light coming in. I wonder what the cards would say to such an idea, actually I went to check a place yesterday, it’s not great but a step in the right direction for sure. teaching art to the greater community and sharing ones skills in encouraging others to be creative with paint. Yeah.

Sophia loren is a beautiful woman. However my fiance J is just that bit more so. x

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I was looking for a job and I thought I had found a job

Autobiographical, Uncategorized

And heaven knows I could be miserable now.

It seems the cycle is doomed to repeat itself and the career to end my career is not that one. Again I find myself unemployed and twiddling my thumbs, this morning was pretty awful had a really black mood and was feeling most depressed. You have to look at the bright side of things and consider they only gave you three weeks annual leave and that could not be taken all at once. So that’s a real sod if you are planning on getting married and taking your lovely wife to be on a honeymoon somewhere and planning to help your Father in law repair the house, because you said you would and it’s a way of getting to know the him better.

This and other things I have been brooding over for a little while and the answer has been provided. So should I be happy or should I be sad. and I’m not happy and I’m not sad. At least I have discovered I like doing admin.

I have this unfortunate habit of telling people what I really think and it comes to the fore when I have been drinking. The hotel we were put in last week was a glitter covered turd.  Bugger all in the way of vegetarian food, and that was below par, the beds were rock hard… I was going to complain I cannot now be bothered.

I have been listening to the Smiths and Morrissey a lot of recent, can you tell?

I always thought the smell of that Formaldehyde or whatever they use gets up my nose and did not want to leave. I am glad to leave it behind, though I am curious about the pink stuff in that jar in the cupboard.