So despite the wound clearing up, the vet giving the all clear and all the rest of that jazz. Things opened up again and a great load of green gack oozed out of what was a nicely scabbed over and clearing up sore patch. It looked like a gigantic green slug, minus the horns, though I would not be surprised to see a pair of them in the future. Too say I am at my wits end would be an understatement. I would be pulling my hair out, if I thought it would do any good and I alcohol would be a proper waste of time… We have a vet appointment this afternoon and I am kind of taking a tight grip on reality right now. Is it time to let him go, or does he stay. If this injury was mine, size for size, I would be moaning like a bitch. The cat, Mr fox is more stoical than that, though he does growl a bit at the moment and looks rather sulky. I do have to remember the vet warned me that wounds of this nature, can be a sod to heal, I would be a stupid sod to argue otherwise.
So that’s that off of my chest, do I feel better for offloading like that? No not really, but it might help a little bit at some point. I admit i busted into tears a short while ago at the prospect of loosing the little man. But you know something, change is inevitable, irresistible and inevitable. There is no stopping it or controlling when that change will happen. so it is pointless resisting the inevitable awfulness of what must happen. It has to be embraced and acknowledged. I do not think I could do the job of a vet. I am not brave or kind enough for such stuff. I think it would kill me, or me myself. then what use would I be. Nothing.
In the meantime, I am waiting for the lawn to dry out as I want to mow it. Trimming the hedge would also be a welcome distraction. In the meantime i think I shall paint a Toadstool, or at least part of a toadstool. I dislike doing things with electricity in the wet and damp. Do I need to explain why? As for everything else, I am lucky to have J listening at the other end of the line and other good friends around me who will lend a supporting ear or whatever other part of their anatomy is available. I think shoulders are quite popular at this sort of time. A friend of mine once said in times of darkness think of light, think of love and of life. Right now that is actually easy, but not that easy. It fact it is turning out to be fucking hard. My head feels like it is full of I don’t know what. I can feel my temper flaring just that little bit more than it needs to. Could it be I am a little bit stressed right now?
I learnt a terrible lesson last night, never buy bottom shelf whiskey no matter how much you need a drink. Even though it did the job it has left a ghastly hollow place in my stomach this morning. Product of the USA, blended and Bottled in The Netherlands. If I had seen the last bit I would not have touched it. The best thing for this stuff is to rub it on aching joints or wiping clean woodwork. Drink tea instead. Dutch whiskey, yuck! never again. Best cure for the morning after? loud music, food and coffee. Writing about it is optional and lets the world know you are as flawed as the rest.
I grew up on a diet of Beatrix Potter stories and always found the imagery of Tom Kitten with his head and tail sticking out of a pudding one of the most fascinating things going. My young mind probably never considered the fact, the rats were more than likely going to do some cooking in the very near future. I guess this tale could be turned on its head from being a tale about The perils of childhood misbehaviour and re-issued as a warning against eating strange and unwholesome foods, though wasn’t that more to do with Bats? Eating rats is pretty gross too, being a vegetarian, I would never eat one and I tend to wash vegetables before proceeding to cook or eat them. You never know what might have crawled over them or even worse pissed.
Other news, I could write a ton of invective about a certain online travel company, but I am not. Just be careful about whom you book your holidays with. Have you noticed something about politicians? When their lips move, they start lying I think it must be a reflex action they cannot help. Have you also noticed that the news is guaranteed to be about death, doom and disaster, every bloody time. War, famine, Death, Covid…
Is it any wonder watching that shit gives people a head ache and makes them sick. If you want to know what is going on in the world, look outside your day and listen to the birds singing, watch the Squirrel as he collects his winter store, Speak to your cat (Or Dog) they will tell you the truth (That of unremitting love) no matter what goes down. If you happen to buy newspapers, use them for keeping the floor clean when decorating, or help in starting bonfires for Autumn leaves and other garden debris. If that is not your thing, you could pretend to be an artist, cut bits of them out and make a collage of some sort. Otherwise save your money and pinch your neighbours one after they have thrown it in the recycling bin.
After 25+ years in a career that drove me up the wall and created such discord and unhappiness, that death would have been a pleasant alternative. (How Ironic) I have started out on a new career.
Today is the first day of the rest of my life and the first day of a career that I hope will see me through and past retirement and into the next life itself. Though that last bit will be someone else’s task. Today was spent, reading, learning and re-reading material and meeting and speaking to nice kind hearted people from whom you can see their inner light shining brighter than the noon day sun.
It takes all sorts to perform the role I have chosen as my end profession. Many stories , many reasons. all united by one common factor. To serve. And as Bob Dylan wrote:
“you gotta serve somebody.”
It is what is known as an honourable profession. And after years of going from pillar to post with a thousand dead ends, I have now found the way to the final RV.
I am lucky in having a very supportive fiance. She says she likes a man in uniform, though I will never be a Policeman and am too old for the army. Instead I now wear a dark suit and tie. I must remember to polish my shoes.