My nerves feel at breaking point and my mind is trying to spin me all sorts of strange and sometimes unpleasant ideas. One minute the idea of killing myself pops up, the next how peaceful death would be. Then some fucker comes along and reminds me off the person who finds the corpse, how are they going to feel… I want my cat to come home, I miss him dreadfully and want to hold him in my arms. The rest of it is down to Cyclothymia. I am currently experiencing a downward mood. It’s not fun, but I have to take the rough with the smooth. Happily it makes for something to write about.
I have been wanting to go buy garden shredders and chain saws, a result of doing the garden. I have done loads out side. chopped stuff back, cleared away waste. I have finally planted the vine, in the greenhouse. The flower pots are now in a neat pile at the back, they will be sorted in due course. The Tomatoes look and taste beautiful, far better than the crap in the shops. The bits I want to remove on the Nut Tree have been marked. Chopped up, it will make beautiful fire wood. As will the pile of stuff in the hollow. Something for the equinox perhaps. Blessed be.
I guess I shall be creating a missing notice this afternoon. That and or, going knocking on doors, with a photograph. There is no Karate training tomorrow evening, which means I can spend the day looking for him. Unless of course, he does what he did last time. Appearing as soon, as I start looking for him. So why am I writing this, when I could be out looking. Well TBH I told myself I would do the garden first, then blog and whilst being creative, would make a missing cat sign. All while, thinking about food. I am going to put something on to warm in a couple of minutes., then do the notice. All whilst listening to Roger Waters solo project: ‘The pros and cons of hitch hiking’ This version appears to be missing; 5.06 AM Every strangers eyes.
One of the good things about the Covid is, it has kept the religion peddlers away. Since it all started, back whenever it was, just after I lost my last job I / We have had nothing but peace here. Don’t get me wrong I am delighted the Jehovah’s W’s are staying away. perhaps word has got around that the man with curly hair, gives their adherents ‘tea’ and threatens to set the Cat on them. ( One of those statements is true) My Tomcat is a big soft lump and runs away from anything bigger than himself. Many years ago a friend and I used to grow cannabis in the garden, over about five years we grew almost twenty plants which were described by some people as: “The strongest shit they had ever smoked.” and “I smoked half that spliff and I had to put it down, what was that sh** you sell me?” In all honesty, we planted some seeds in some pots and let them grow. When they were big enough, we put them in the ground and they flourished. Some of them grew to about 13-15 feet. The neighbours admired them, the police flew over them (Several times) and nobody cared a toot.
Before anybody gets ideas about coming to pay me a visit and pretending to be a window washer, these photos are about six years old and the most exciting stuff growing here now are Rose Bushes. Plus I will set the cat(s) on you. I gave up smoking , it no longer had the desired effect, I have not smoked since and enjoy having a relatively clear head and not being despondent or just plain stoned. The man with the Chicken T shirt and Tattoo’s now collects Teddy Bears and drinks tea.
So the last few days have been spent doing the back room, stripping out that Dog awful stippled paint, taking it all back to bare walls filling holes and painting. The space if you can call it that, actually looks quite nice now though I am too minds whether to bother glossing the woodwork to be honest I am sick to death of it and cannot wait to do something new.
I have also been painting, I don’t mean walls more art, canvas that sort of thing, the torture device has been softened with a cushion. Things are moving along and perhaps the next project will be to find meaningful employment of some sort, the broken tiles on the front door step, can be done in due course, I really want to get the pond all set up and stocked before long however everything happens at the right time and life is not a race, at least not at this stage.
J is very well and has been undermining my farting and belching by saying I am rude, she has a point of course though I am sure she does the same, maybe with not so much gusto and certainly a lot quieter and with less fanfare than mine. In short J is polite I am coarse, or at least choose to be. Perhaps it is time for a change.
Later this morning, I am going to my sisters to do some stuff and say hello to her (kittens.) Honestly they are the most adorable little balls of fur you could ever wish to hold, just like all kittens, I just get sniffed at by my own brood when back at home.