CELEBRITIES AND THE BRAIN DEAD MIND

art and culture

So last week I think it was, time moves quite fast around here. I threw a load of artwork out, it has cleared the house somewhat and freed up the energy too. In case you are wondering no it did not go in the bin, it went to a charity shop where they kindly relieved me of my burden. That is not to say they took everything, some of that work had nude or nearly naked women on it. People can get upset by that you know and the offending pieces are in the back of the car awaiting disposal, this includes the celebrity collage. Which are featured on here today. Together with a all the old collage work went some of my earliest paintings, they all needed a new home. Saying that I have kept the Fish wife as it amuses me, it now hangs above the stairs. Who knows in time even that may go the same way as everything else, but not right now.

What else? Oh yes I have been doing some DIY house painting and the final touches are now being sorted out, the floor in the back room is being painted a nice sandstone colour. It is far nicer than the Grey concrete hue from previously. My only complaint, the stuff stinks like blazes and takes an age to dry. I may have to do a windowsill at some point, there again I may just leave the sod. I have had enough of paint for the time being and shall be retreating to the garden instead. The weather is nice, the birds are singing so why not? Plus I get to watch things growing and everything going to plan, eat them as well. For everything else there is a final assignment to write for university and then fuck knows, I may even relax a bit before something else seizes my imagination. In fact I think not relaxing is what does my head in, by that I mean sitting around and twiddling my thumbs. Listening to or reading the so called news. I find it ever the more important to focus on positivity those things that make me smile, laugh and give me inspiration.

celebrities, celebrity magazines and lets call them gossip magazines are some of the lowest forms of entertainment you can get. Fancy being enthralled by what some WAG does with her spare time,or a has been pop star is now up to. The people who publish this sort of shite need to be dragged outside and given a slap around the ear. The people they write about, well that’s all part of the great distraction. This is why the magazines are called Hello or OK, the sort of thing you say to someone who has been banged about the head and is acting dazed and confused. As for the gossip magazines, well go and take a read of some of them, just the front pages will do. This is the sort of crap aimed at mainly women with nothing better to do with their lives, the sort who go to the tanning salon and then the gambling shop and back again. Does that smack of unfair stereotyping? Its actually and unfortunately very accurate, I ought to know, it was my job once upon a time. You learn loads watching people in newsagents and supermarkets, you can learn even more from books. One thing is for sure, if you entertain yourself with brainless and utterly useless BS you will learn how quickly things like senility can creep up on you. Just imagine the whole time you are reading up on what Mrs. Beckham is wearing or doing, a whole host of opportunities are passing you by. Perhaps you enjoy reading brain dead rubbish designed to poison and destroy your own thinking, after all that’s what the government wants of you. The media is just another arm of that machine.

BTW All those magazine cuttings came from the front pages of the magazines I had to collect up and tear off as evidence of my work each week. I had better to do than read the contents.

Mi Skool Daze (A storrie)

Autobiographical

This was originally written in response to a female I met online around 2003 she seemed very nice and was quite friendly  and came from somewhere like Moldavia or at least had a passport for that country.  I think she was resident in Romania, fairly slim build with dark brown hair. She liked to call me ‘Sweet thing.’ Though I guess this was more a standard greeting for anyone who might have had some money to spare. This was at the same time as I was in a loveless and often abusive relationship and despite the shaky quality of the webcam and its connection was perhaps a catalyst for getting out of it. I wrote all of the following during a lunch break at a dodgy bakery where they smothered Chocolate cakes in gravy browning and charged an arm and a leg for the things.

Woman I will try to express my inner feelings and thankfulness.

When writing a book you ought to consider 3 things: the beginning,the middle and the end. What the rules are for writing a letter I do not know. Obviously I have written plenty of letters in the past, however none of them were about how I felt or indeed how I feel.  this one I hope and feel will be the first of many, only time will tell.

When I first started out on the rocky path called life, I knew something had to be done. That I wanted to do something, quite what I did not know. But there was certainly something, I freely admit I made mistakes well who doesn’t? Yeah I made a few.  Looking back upon these things with an unblinkered eye and no obstruction in my way. I realise that these things were not all caused by my own fault. Rather through the influence of others and the environment from which I came.  Rather than nurturing and developing what talent there may have been, it was repressed and crushed till it was nigh visible. The teacher shouted, the pupil shrank. You are nothing, boy was the usual phrase heard at the school I went to.  They controlled your head through the classroom, you are hear to listen, boy!  Shut up. When that did not work, the  treatment became harsher:  Isolation as if you were dirty or infected. Then if the first was not harsh enough, there was physical punishment, for what? Laughing out loud was one of them, I mean what is wrong with laughing.  Is it a crime to smile and be happy?  Yes of course I broke the rules, Smoking behind the hall, pissing around like children do  and  for that you could expect trouble. But laughing?  They may as well have stopped us from breathing. Turned us into animated dummies, or is that what the educational system is designed to do. Creativity in the class room,  copy this  and draw that. Don’t even think of using your mind. (that might have been dangerous.) Mr. Crowley had a strange way of encouraging creativity in the craft lessons, mind you  he was nuts and threw knives at people.  Smashing up your work if you breathed out of turn, unintentionally  he alternately frightened the shit out of us or made us behave even worse.   Unfortunately those were his milder rages, I think he was just a frustrated angry old man  who had a best friend in his pipe of tobacco and his crafty stuff.  It was quite bizarre at times,   he would gather us around and start speaking about someone’s pot they had just created and  spoke about the curve of it, the shadow it threw.  This alternately could be put to a basket someone may have just weaved.  You get the picture? All it would take was  for someone to do something out of turn, lets say scratch their nose or perhaps yawn, then he would go of on one. Seizing whatever was at hand and pummelling said creative effort into the table top and I mean he would flatten it.    At the same time he would rave and shout that his father had been eaten by ants in the jungle for this, that and the other and apparently it was all our fault. The other favourite was I cycle all the way from Farnham to teach you bloody lot. Big deal, it  was only three miles.  As for the first accusation, I would love to have seen how he came to his conclusions. It is beyond me how he ever worked this one out and it is all very fine blaming the Ants. Still they had done what they had done and like I said it was our fault.  However Henry Crowley as was his name just appeared to be  an angry man with a pipe.

So apart from a mad craft teacher who threw knives. Some of us had an alcoholic house master, who found it funny to act the fool and keep us children amused. He organised games of forfeits when there was fuck all else to do for an evenings entertainment.   I had to dress up backwards by that I mean putting all my clothes on back to front. I must have looked a right muppet. Unfortunately the headmaster saw me in this state, it was at evening prayers. He was not amused, trying to explain away my position only dug the hole deeper and resulted in a sound beating for my efforts. I was lucky, someone else got to eat soap, he was farting bubbles that reeked of Carbolic for  a week afterwards. 

Talking about beatings and especially canings it was traditional to expose the injured body part (Always the backside) to the rest of the dormitory, for common inspection. Billy always said: “This is mild compared to what you will get out in the big wide world lad”. He was right, I have had to pay a fortune for every beating since, the Domme down the road is very strict about that. Billy would then make  you shake his hand, like you had done him a good service or something.

DOMINA

It wasn’t all that bad and some of it was actually quite good fun. We got to fool around in the woods and play war or something,  whatever it is that children do. Sometimes we even got to go to ‘Birdworld’ Though we only ever saw the fishes there and never the birds. Unless you included the penguins, so for us first and second years it became fish world.  I suspect it was like this because Pecker had a bird complex,   more on that later.  My pissed house master swam in the nude, ate his ear wax and was ming. The school secretary  found him having a swim one early morning when she was walking up through the school after parking her car.  So that must have been nice for her, I still remember her name and  as far as I remember she was  the only member of the school staff who never seemed to drop anyone in the shit.  Even the domestic staff would have a go at that and more often than not  succeed. 

RUSSALINA

Apart from a bit of editing this is pretty much what was written, with a couple of pages left to work through. Unfortunately my handwriting is somewhat appalling and makes me cringe and squint when trying to decipher the squiggles.

I hope to write some more of this soon, though from a point it will have nothing to do with the original letter that incidentally was never posted.

RANDOM WONDERINGS

Uncategorized

So working at home has overtaken me and the upload device on the website has ground to a halt. I am unable to upload my painting of Betty Page with her breasts exposed, so I am drinking tea instead. Clicking on the reload button has of course taken things back to zero but I could do with a break from the art work thing. having thrashed out a ton of material yesterday, I think I am in need of a rest. That shall come later I have some more work to do first and training later. Then I shall sleep like a baby and for having done a good days work I shall sleep even more soundly. I do not know about other forms of employment and for that matter I do not really care, having decided long ago it is a pointless exercise wasting my time on other peoples shit, it never lasts for long and I only get depressed and somewhat suicidal. The very idea of slaving on the minimum for some other bastard fills me with a sense of horror, only exacerbated by the medication I am on which lists confusion,depression and aggression amongst the side effects . . Still I am glad to be near free of discomfort and this I imagine will only decrease as the dosage increases. Hopefully some day soon the doctors will be able to fix the thing completely. Only time will tell on that one.

BETTY PAGE

What else? Oh yes I went into town the other day, Saturday to be precise. It was as I thought it would be, a god damned awful experience, it started raining, parking was hideously expensive and is enough to deter me from going there again. looking at it, what is there I cannot get delivered to my door? In future I may just cycle in and get some exercise at the same time. I may just tolerate it that way and not want to top myself for living in such a shite city. Please do not come here, it is diabolically awful in any number of ways. The only saving grace is the nice buildings we have, not that you can really go into them. The custodians of the places are a bunch of fussy so and so’s, they do not like common riff raff entering their temples of learning. I cannot say blame them for being so. The buggers inside called students pay a fortune to learn shit in those places, they cannot have them being contaminated by the townies. The Dons would not like it very much either, the riff raff might drop cigarette butts on the ground and even belch or Dog forbid. Fart.

Sophia Loren in The Millionairess

This is of course all fantastical, all the above people fart, belch and the smokers amongst them drop ciggie butts on the floor they are human like the rest of us. Though saying that there is nothing wrong with having standards and good manners. Likewise there is nothing wrong with telling people you do not like to piss off , just do it as politely as possible. The weather has brightened up a little since I started writing so I am going to put some suitable clothes on and go plant the Foxgloves and those other things I have forgotten the name of. By the time that’s all done it will be time for lunch. The cats are currently fast asleep, kitchen noises will soon change that and it is predicted Ninja Cat will be down to investigate, scrounge and get in the way too. Otherwise life is pleasantly on the quiet side, I am able to get on with what I have to do, relax, if you can call it that, though this is the way I do relax. By doing things, being creative, productive and getting things out of the way that might otherwise bother my head unnecessarily.

Words and Pictures 2

Autobiographical, Uncategorized

This medication I am now on: I am not sure if I like it or really dislike it. It seems to have slowed me down immeasurably, concentration is more so my brain is somewhat numb and things inside are perhaps more distant. By that I mean the heart, the discomfort is still there but not nearly as pronounced. Sometimes I want to just say fuck it all and finish myself off but you you know something? Life is not like that, at least not here or right now. I have to piss a few more people off first and move all this artwork that has built up in the spare room. I may sell some of it. In the meantime I am putting it all online on various sites. It almost feels like depression, but without the inertia, that accompanies such. No black dogs either, just black cats. maybe it is having finally ditched mainstream employment, and handling the change that has caused this emotional state. Fuck knows! The state of the world, mid life crisis…Any number of different things, but most of all the medication, I think it is that, one quickly followed the other, actually they all came together. Too much to handle? No just enough, just let me process it all first. I have been to hell before and this is the ante chamber, I know where the exit is, up the backstairs and to pastures new. The last time me and the devil met, I grinned like an idiot and got out of there pdq.

I would be fucking slaughtered within half an hour if I was doing my old job now. These meds have slowed things down a degree or three, sorry if I drag on about the meds but they are ( I think) helping me get things done. maybe it is just the incentive to get things done and to keep doing things, making progress and moving forward. Someday all this shit will be over and we can dance again, not because the music is playing but because the nonsense is over and nobody listens to the bull crap anymore. At least I know now why I am shouty and want to thrash people, it is the medication not lunacy. Is there anything to temper this urge to kill people? I suppose alcohol might help as may weed, blitzen I have both at my disposal Fuck!, Arse, Bollocks! Piss! Where have the paintings of Glastonbury gone? Oh wait I have not checked under the sofa yet, I must make some tea. Found them in the bedroom cupboard along with a bunch of Pink Floyd memorabilia, maybe someone or somebody will buy it and help me clear some space here.

I won some lottery yesterday, clearly choosing my numbers is a better way forward than those lucky dips, do you remember the lucky dip at the fun fair? Putting your hand in a large bin full of small parcels and coming up with something, that promised to be either rubbish or clutter. I may head into town later on and go on a charity shop raid for nice books and that. There again, I may say stuff that idea, it is cold out, despite the sun shining and the meds are playing with my head. Maybe the fresh air will do me good, it certainly did last time before I started the meds. There is no harm in looking and there is usually fuck all to buy in town. It is totally gutted and devoid of any independent stores, the council have really ballsed up their ‘attempts’ at encouraging trade in Oxford. I hope they fall at the next election, we could be well rid of the socialists and their bent arsed agenda.

WORDS AND PICTURES

Uncategorized

Twenty years ago I was sat down watching the box and saw what a bunch of mad people did. Whether it was a bunch militant Arabs, or psychopathic elites and their lackies it does not matter. What we ought remember is, those who died, how the state of the world has changed since then. Finally what human beings are capable of, when their ego’s get out of hand and they are given too much power and money.

Other news now. The weather has been quite pleasant these last days and I have compelled myself to a whole lot of things. Mostly gardening, a large amount of gardening. Having got a whole load of stuff done outside, it is now time to do a whole lot of stuff inside. This inside stuff includes writing blogs, preparing fruit for turning into wine and making my excuses to the job centre. I long for the day, when I no longer have to claim govt. support and relish telling them to f*ck off. Not that that is ever going to happen, its easier to be polite when ending a relationship. You never know if you might need that some ones help again. Talking about Job centres, I am thinking of applying for a different realm of work, I like gardening, but would I want to be a gardener. I use it to deal with my life stresses, ideal perhaps, but would I want to garden my own garden? Imagine how chefs feel after a long days work in a kitchen. Going home and cooking yet more food in their own kitchen. Or do they get a kebab on the way home instead. I used to cook for a living and did so on a regular basis, eating the stuff I cooked at work, got a little tiresome after the first week. So kebabs ruled.

Funerals are probably best left alone, as are shops and supermarkets. If I find myself involved with retail again I may well kill myself. (After doing a lot of other people first) I abhor violence and would not want anyone to have to clean up after losing it. I love nature and animals, though the pig farm is not the sort of place I would want to involve myself with. Nor the egg company, they are too much like Auschwitz for animals, in fact the only difference between these places is the commodity involved. I cannot think of a more foul species on this beautiful planet we share. I dislike slugs with a passion, especially when I step on them in bare feet. Spiders, once my most feared and hated ‘opponent’ is now a favoured friend. Rats, Mice Cockroaches and other beastly things… Only ants are so violent and destructive towards members of their own species.

Uncategorized

So J went back to the US back on the 12th and the day before that the cat took sick. Happily the cat is well on the road to recovery, Jackie has got a permanent residence and the vet bills required me to change my plans for the month and spend the lot on Mr. Fox ( The cat) I have never been happier to spend so much on anyone in my entire life. he had an abscess, that was pressing on his spine and must have been causing excruciating amounts of discomfort. Long story short, the thing burst, closed up, reopened and oozed lots of thick green ‘snot’. The secondary infection was due to his getting outside and going on an all-nighter. Operation, stitches and being indoors is probably getting him by now, especially as the weather is nice again. I take him out a few times a day, making sure to hold him and prevent any mad dash for freedom he may make. Though what with a cone/collar thing on I doubt he will get too far.

Mr. Fox

J and I are now simply friends, we have different priorities to each other and we each must steer our own course. It is no good us being in the same ship anymore. I imagine our paths will cross again in the future. Though I imagine not least until the Covid business has cleared off and we are given something new to worry ourselves over. What else? Oh yes I have run out of weed. Years ago this would have caused a huge amount of distraction and concern. Today I could not care less and shall enjoy cleaning my act up a little bit. Smoking fogged my mind and did not allow for clear thinking, which hindered study, which caused anxiety issues neither of which I currently need. My painting has resumed, new ideas are flourishing and I am happy.

I hope to be getting back onto the blog more often now things have calmed down a little bit. I also want to be working on the website and promoting my work a little bit more. I shall also be applying for some kind of employment soon. Something simple, stress free and enjoyable. I do not think it will involve wearing a tie. It may allow me to get away with wearing a skirt, being more relaxed and informal.

Speaking of.

Autobiographical

I have various suspicions about various things and these suspicions that I have are going to be heeded. There is this person who is ignoring the pleas of somebody else who is close to them and that is not nice at all. That person will know who they are and if they are reading this then they ought reel their big ego in and do the right thing. That aside things are pretty good around here, or should I say could be a lot worse and it will probably be some time before they get any better. For a start I have to work on myself, getting back into some semblance of being fit again, yes its cutting down on drinking and eating a little less. Speaking of drinking. I have found a new hobby and have started buying wine at auction, not to drink mind, but to put down and sell later. I may drink some of it, some day, but why bother when the stuff from the supermarket has the same effect, if that is what you are looking for? Getting drunk is beginning to make me feel ill and if I drink anytime in the evening, I wake up at silly O clock feeling like poo. Just like this morning!

I am unable to paint, after drinking and creativity is what drives me forward, Drinking at lunchtime screws up the rest of the day, especially if I find I need to drive anywhere. I have tried drink driving and let me assure you all, it is not fun or sensible. Having a complete break looks to be the best option and will mean I can buy some more paint and such stuff, I am crying out for burnt umber right now and my recycled paper is also on the wain, plus I want a nice big pure bristle brush, those nylon things are good for nothing and are way past their best in any case. Speaking of painting and art, I now have a large pile pile of incomplete work, it was getting tiresome working on one piece of work from beginning to end, so I found the cure.

Speaking of The Cure, I really do think that bands music will help alleviate the current mood I find myself in, their music beats the S$%T out of Bono and co. whose distressing noise just managed to wheedle its way out of the speakers. School work is back to interesting and this week is learning about how heavy handed the Victorians were to non European people, would you believe they behaved just like the United States does today? This glorious empire busting fact and others like it were already known to me, just not from an academic stance. I have to go out for a while today, and could be some little while, whilst someone else has an appointment. I shall be taking a book to read and do not expect to sit in on it, The Covid nonsense has seen to that.

Speaking of Covid…

STINGING NETTLES, LEONARDO AND JEFF BEZOS

art and culture, politics and religion

Yesterday I started writing a blog, This morning I dismantled and erased it. I thought it was crap! Today I am going to paint more and write about something else, other than stuff that is going down at home. Though that shall be sneaked in at points as well. It is more than anything, deciding what to write about, indecision perhaps being most relevant right now. I have been thinking about making Stinging Nettle beer, does anybody have a clue what 800 grams of those things looks like? Neither do I. I spent yesterday evening painting some landscapes and getting new ideas down on paper at least, the next days, even today I will be doing something more constructive and bringing these ideas into the light. Looking for work though not so enjoyable is also necessary.

Stinging Nettle - The Permaculture Research Institute

The thing about being an artist, it is quite easy to compare yourself to those who have gone before. The leonardo’s, van Goghs and others and thinking to yourself” why do I even bother? I can never be as good as those guys.” Actually I am not a great fan of that Leonardo man, but anyway if we can compare ourselves to other people we get nowhere in our own journey. We each have our own style of thinking, of working and speaking and this is something we ought to remember. We can study how Vincent painted, we can study leonardo and his stuff, we can learn maybe even copy but you/we cannot be that person. EVER! Or anyone else for that matter.

MONETARY SYMBOLS IN PLACE OF A PICTURE OF DOLLAR BILLS

Being grateful for what you have, is a far better stance than being miserable for what you do not have. You wanna be as rich as that Bezos man? Good ,you get the stupidly long hours and ridiculous amounts of responsibility as well. Just think about how far he can fall, and how far you can fall. Many of us want to be wealthy and like the idea of having lots of money, some of us even grizzle about how we need so much more. We make ourselves poor, just by thinking like that. Other people complain how Bezos does not pay enough tax etc he is so wealthy that he can currently give every many, woman and child on the planet $26.23 dollars (Increasing daily) which for many is next to bugger all. Now imagine the day when he can give all those people, you and me included $5,000 or more. That day is fast approaching, now imagine Bill Gates and et al all doing the same, will you be complaining then? I don’t think so and if you are, then you ought give it back to them, cause it will be wasted on you.

oil painting,dark hair,red, blouse,oil painting

NOW WITH ADDED ARTWORK

Autobiographical, Uncategorized

So am finally settling down to having another human in the house, things like having a whole bed/duvet to myself are gone. I have swapped them for snoring, occasional farting and cooking for two, I have never been happier. There are now two people to fuss over the cats, fresh bread is back on the menu as is a largely vegan diet. I think we are actually both very happy, though to be sure I have to check with J first.

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is piglet.png

What else? days out in the local area, nice walks in the park, doing the washing up and asserting one’s rights over who can brush their teeth first in the evening before bed time. I think these little things are and will become pretty permanent fixtures in our life together. The cats can do the fighting and arguing instead.

Other news, have been doing a lot of painting these last few days and ought work on here more often, activity seems to have shifted from evenings to day time and pm’s are now spent on a comfy sofa watching movies and other relaxing stuff. We were going to go for another walk today with our recently acquired football, however the skies are a nasty dark grey, J wants to stay home and make Banana bread. Who am I to complain?

Bed clothes, Covid and Pangolins

Uncategorized

So before I go and do something more mundane like changing the bed clothes and shooing the cats outside, I am going to write. Then I ought to get on and do some more school work, however the weather looks nice today and to waste it would be a pity so I shall put the washing out to dry in it and do some stuff out there as well. being outdoors is good for the spirit and working with nature has been proven to be beneficial also.

Aside from the weather, J and I have been spending lots of time chatting via video link We are still apart from each other due to this stupid Corona bug but what can you do. It will probably go away as quickly as it came and in a few years be replaced with something equally tiresome, brought about by eating Rats, Bats, snakes or Pangolins… It boggles my mind as to the rubbish people will put down their throats and call food but that is just me and as tasty as Chicken can be, they look much nicer feathered and strutting around the yard, scratching in the dirt. In truth of course there a thousand different theories as to how the Covid started, most of them are utter cobblers and the one about 5G being the cause, beggars belief entirely. The best one is probably unhygienic practices at some food market or other. Hopefully people learn the lessons from this pandemic and the planet and its inhabitants can move forward accordingly.

A place I want to be WIP 2020

Otherwise the art is coming along fine, though I have yet to do anything on the above subject or am I likely too. There are better things to focus my attention upon.