I woke up this morning feeling like poo, its the result of drinking excessive amounts of alcohol, whisky this time cheap nasty Scotch which I really ought to have known better about.
I spent three days without a drink this last week and felt good for it. So it really was a little bit foolish starting again and to be honest I actually prefer sobriety it’s easier on my health and definetly (how do you spell that word?) easier on my wallet. I would prefer to live without this ego thing that I need a drink or three every night. Tea is perfectly good and has the added benefit of being able to walk straight and speak coherently after drinking it.
The best reason is of course giving up to support Jackie in her sobriety journey and the best way to do that is to be sober as well.
Perhaps it’s time to go and get some help.
Other news I seem to have lost the ability to draw and paint, I have lost interest in it at least temporarily, it’s probably a change in direction and has happened before so am not particularly bothered, creativity comes in many forms and it provides an opportunity to sit in a comfy chair be comfortable and give my legs a break. The pond is in a state of flux and is being re-done as is the cloak room ( the place in British homes, where we put our coats) is currently being redecorated, the textured paint is horrible stuff to remove and is not the kind of thing you can sand off. I am pretending the ceiling is not there cause it is rough horrible Artexing, I may just get a handy man to skim it flat and do the other technical stuff
J is going to hospital today, she will probably be away for a good four weeks maybe a little longer. In many respects I ought to be going with her but due to various constraining factors that is not currently possible. You see we both have the same condition in that we live with excruciating anxiety disorders that can make life unbearable at times and we both like to drink, Alcohol helps deal with the anxiety but it does not help with the depression we both live with, we medicate ourselves with depressants when we both take anti-depressants, which rather defeats the object of the initial exercise in taking the medication.
Up to around three years ago I had not had a drink for ten years or more, then I had a drink and in that time have managed three days without drinking not bad on 50+ units week average.
It is never the money that motivates me to stop, though this time I may well make the exception to the rule and enjoy having something to put aside each month. I also look forward to saying good bye to the hang overs and the shakes and generally feeling a lot healthier. I shall also be looking to get some kind of counselling or go to AA meetings. Something I did not do the first time around.
I have found, as may some readers that when I choose to do anything in the affirmative to make positive steps to clear up my act, it gets poo poo-ed and people say it is your Irish blood or that’s not much. It has nothing to do with your ancestral blood or the intake it is an addiction which is like any other illness you have to admit there is a problem before you seek help and then have the fortitude and willingness to undertake the cure.
I have J she is in safe hands, I also have the cats they don’t know I have an alcohol issue but are a great comfort at any time of day or night.