Not much doing

Autobiographical, Uncategorized

Now what does the man who has everything to write about and nothing to say actually write about? Well those people at the job centre wanted me in on Monday to answer their ridiculous questions. Happily I found something more important to do, like looking for or trying out a potential employer. How that goes or is going in terms of longer term employment is another matter. Right now I do not actually give a damn and have a hundred better things to bother my head about instead. Whatever my reasons for not attending, not going has provided me sometime to get on and do other things, I think the potential employer likes me however the next couple of days will demonstrate that. I can wait and in the meantime I am doing just fine and getting next years academic studies sorted out, Creative writing no, more history yes. Modern world 1919-present very much so. Writing about Nazis and Hitlerian policy for sure, slashing Marxist thinking into the mire certainly. Actually apart from the introductory notes, I have little idea of what the syllabus contains. But it continues from where I left off and that makes sense to continue so, creative writing can wait for another day. In the meantime I will stick to the gardening and make occasional forays into the looking for work thing. I am not going to repeat myself regarding my misgivings about this activity, it appears to only create misery, pain and anguish.

I am not a fan of any of these things. In other news J is away for an extended period and has been since last week. Hopefully she will be back in circulation sometime soon and the loud Dog has been complained about too, so hopefully that will also be rectified in due course. What else? Oh yes. Oh fuck. TBH I am more interested in researching right wing rock bands than writing just now. The words are not coming out as much as I would like them, perhaps I need a break and a mug of tea. Oh hell I only have that herbal stuff available and nothing containing caffeine. is going for a walk out to the shop a viable option? I can hardly cycle, seeing as the boneshaker was pinched last week. Which in actuality did me a favour, it was in shit state, needed a ton of work doing and was only getting worse. Time to get a new machine and get some more cycling miles under my belt without the risk of dodgy brakes, gearing and numerous other defects, I like the assurance a well maintained bike gives its user. I must also pay the rent, apparently buying a new washing machine is no excuse for not having done so. Perhaps I ought go round some peoples doors and ask for the debts they owe me, or more truthfully stop kidding myself that people owe me anything. They are not daft enough to borrow from me. Plus it is more the case that I owe them.

Clear out the savings account, find a sustainable source of income, rob the bank, win the lottery or whack a rich person over the head and pinch their wallet. There are many ways to get rich, not all of them reliable, many of them illegal and mostly not worth bothering with. In my misspent youth I used to rob out all sorts of places, always the big companies. I don’t know how much I stole, but it did not benefit me one inch, do I have anything to show for it now? Do I fuck, I am as skint as when I started and though my wallet may not be exactly bulging, I am wealthier than I have ever been. Riches do not always come in wads of bank notes, more precious are those counted in wisdom, life experience those things money cannot buy. I was thinking of going doing some gardening and found myself writing instead. Perhaps gardening will come next, there is rubbish to clear up. Later on I must cook food or starve and after that probably some painting. Then I shall sleep

MONDAY MORNING

Autobiographical, Uncategorized

So a few days ago I started being pursued by an admirer on IG, the usual format, fallen in love, bit boobs, engaging smile… Scam. My love life has not improved since, though I expect it could have got a lot worse if I was stupid enough to fall for that old trick. In the meantime I have been doing the garden, relaxing and being productive with a number of things going on. I have also made my excuses not to go into city today, I really cannot face the Dog awful place, the crowds, stink, dirt and general horribleness of the place. I have told the JC people and need to rest my head today. My anxiety shoots through the roof just thinking about that place, let alone going there. As a curative, I am going to be doing things here instead, vacuuming is out, as the cats are asleep and I do not wish to disturb them. I may go and paint the kitchen wall, or at least wash the walls down first, then do the painting. It will brighten the place up a treat and is much wiser than spending a fortune on having the place re-done professionally. I have the tools and know how and like to be creative, so why not?

Wall tiles are now clean, at least on one side of the kitchen. I have even scraped off the horrid wallpaper, that was previously underneath some tiling I removed previously. Now I have to decide whether to plaster the site over, make it fresh and paint or just bang a cupboard up there and tidy it afterwards. The tile painting is going to wait a little while until I have both sides cleaned and ready, I want to complete the operation with as little fuss as possible. In the meantime I must eat something and tidy the mess created. I have the strangest feeling the washing machine is going to move house quite soon and I will be learning some basic plumbing techniques at the same time. However first things first, the weather has brightened up, so I may go and do some gardening, or shall I paint? Too many decisions.

As it has happened, I sat down and watched a cowboy movie instead, the garden can wait. I would like to get the kitchen floor done, but need a warm day to open the windows and let it all dry out. Also I would have to mop the floor and a load of other exercises, none of which appeal to me right now. To compensate for all of this, I will be going training later on and blow off some more steam there. I have been doing some painting, but nothing what I would call complete is ready to be posted here

IRMA GRESE PART TWO

Autobiographical, Uncategorized

So I was asked a couple of days ago if I had blogged of recent, this I guess is my response to that question. I am not writing cause I now feel obliged to, far from it, it was on my mind in any case and that served as a catalyst for getting things done. Having got my last assignment out of the way helps too, it means my energies can be better spent elsewhere, here or perhaps in the garden, though the weather is grey, dull and thoroughly un-summer like. Which despite my own love of sunshine makes it a rather good time to go and do things out there. The weeds need hoeing, the hedge needs a CHOP and the lawn needs pricking and re-sowing because right now it looks like a moth eaten rug. Gardens can and do provide a whole area of pleasure away from the drudge and bore of life, help us to deal with our life stresses and any attendant bogies we wish to deal with. They may also provide a pleasant means of earning an income, certainly if you find the right sort of person (people) to work for. In any case it is better than working in a shop or similar environment, I had to inform the Job centre place about the dangers of forcing me into a job involving those places, I hope to fuck they have paid attention. After my making it very clear that all I really want to do is write, draw and do the garden On explaining everything else is non negotiable with risks attached, they let me go. On second thoughts it is probably better not to repeat my ideas of mass murder. They may take my seriously.

some completed work

What is it they don’t understand about 87 previous employers anyway?

some incomplete work

Employment aside. I have been painting again and now have a large pile of WIP, this comprises of several paintings of Nazi’s, some naked women and a few other bits and bobs. Amongst the bits and bobs are several paintings of Irma Grese, a subject I have explored previously and will no doubt explore again. In the meantime I will have to improvise in terms of pictures for the day as none of what I have downstairs is complete yet and it would be a shame to share anything that is not yet complete. In the meantime if you want to look at anything new, you can switch to HERE and see some other work that may not have been already published. That aside, it is now time I think to go make a mug of tea and am delighted mention that the missing packet of chocolate biscuits has been recovered which will make the tea drinking all the more rewarding and pleasant. The sky is still grey and crap looking,at least it is not raining, which reminds me the greenhouse needs watering.

The importance of questioning the historical record and not taking anything for granted

politics and religion, Uncategorized

Having been a little while since last anything was written, life has now freed me up to do something. there are no excuses and even the reasons are pretty flimsy, however I have been creative, productive and have re-acquainted myself with stinging nettles and getting my hands dirty. Being a gardener certainly has its advantages, I spend quite lot of time listening to the birds sing, get plenty of fresh air and being self employed am barely in a position to walk out of my job or indeed be sacked. If I do decide on taking this drastic action, I can reinstate myself after having a cup of tea, or switch my attention to other things that need doing around the home. Like making the kitchen look nice, painting the floor in same and various other little bits and bobs. I shall also knocking out a large amount of dead plaster, stripping off a quantity of horrid wall paper and removing some old tiling adhesive, all filthy tasks. I shall start by buying a couple of birthday cards for two elderly female relatives. one in her eighties, the other I think is ninety six. My mum says the other person is ninety four, either way it’s pretty impressive and a good age to be. Both birthday cards are unfortunately late, at least I remembered.

A Russian has said something unfashionable and more than likely 100% accurate, that Hitler was a Jew. Certainly a good number of his entourage could make that claim, or at least have that claimed for them. Does Hitler look Jewish to you? What fun, a member of the chosen race hating and murdering his own kind. Makes for a conspiracy doesn’t it? A Jewish conspiracy, one centred on self hatred and loathing of your fellows. I wonder if Hitler was a Jew, there is plenty of ‘evidence around to suggest something in that direction, here is just one example:

https://cdn.preterhuman.net/texts/conspiracy/David%20Icke%20-%20Was%20Hitler%20A%20Rothschild.pdf

Click on it and have a read, and then look for other material on the same or related topics. It is important to establish facts in history and not just take someone else’s word for it all. After all the word history is comprised of two other words His story and that is very important, we must not be afraid to explore and even perhaps debunk the narrative. If we are then hated for distilling the truth from the lie, then good. let us remember what Orwell wrote in 1984: ‘Who controls the past, controls the future: who controls the present, controls the past… The mutability of the past is the central tenet of Ingsoc. Past events, it is argued, have no objective existence, but survive only in written records and in human memories. The past is whatever the records and the memories agree upon. And since the Party is in full control of all records, and in equally full control of the minds of its members, it follows that the past is whatever the Party chooses to make it.

What if Hitler was a Jew and what if the Jews had a conspiracy all along to rule the world and a host of other things as well, like not allowing people to question the figures of those murdered in the holocaust. What if the figures are all wrong? After all they changed the number of those murdered at Auschwitz/Birkenau several times over the years and they are only human after all. Humans are very fallible creatures and their ego, especially the collective ego does not allow for any questioning of what can be termed sacred cows. The holocaust is just one of those bovine beasts, after all they have been raking it in ever since it happened and it shows no signs of slowing down just yet, new books are published on the subject almost every month, just go to your discount book store and look for yourself.

In other news I woke up with a sore throat this morning, so I have been taking it easy and having regular periods of rest, hopefully the hot Ginger and Orange concoction will see me right and chucked some Turmeric in for good measure.

https://trove.nla.gov.au/newspaper/article/98241616

Trannies, fires and the decline of empire

politics and religion, Uncategorized

A few minutes taken away from the study of the decline of Empire and India in particular, provides relief for my eyes, a correction of posture and something to let all that learning sink in and ferment into something useful. Letting my hair down (literally) and contemplating my empty mug, do I need more tea? Not right now is the answer to that particular question. Instead I am to ponder how I misread an earlier slightly more important question and have thought how I could have wasted a lot more time on answering a question, that would have been wrong, irrelevant and off key as well. In other words a total and unmitigated fuck up, that I could well do without. Just like the beastly dream that I am am sure kept me awake half the night and probably did nothing of the sort and more like just the early hours of the morning instead. It involved, packing my bags moving out and going away, leaving someone else behind. It had to be done and as much as I contemplate my dreams, it has to be done. if you want your car to move you have to release the brakes, it is simple. One thing has already been sent on it’s way, the other slightly bigger thing is going to be retrieved boxed up if needs be and sent on its way to. I don’t actually give a flip for the past, I would rather focus on the present instead.

A hunchback of Notre Dame

Productivity increases, new opportunities emerge and I am less bothered by people wanting to speak or otherwise ‘chat’. The video chat thing is both a curse and a blessing, actually it is a burden, fuck the blessing. It prevents all or a lot of the above from happening and most annoyingly stops the listening to of music. This causes acute distress and upset ( I am joking here) It is worse than that, it is downright inconvenient. I do not really give two tits what is happening on the other side of The Atlantic, likewise I do not give two turds what is happening on the far fringes of Europe. I keep up to date on world events and do not believe half of it and only bought a newspaper last week cause I was bored waiting at the hospital to pick up some meds. The time I bought one before that was during the bog roll famine, I used it to wipe my arse and later on to make a fire in the garden. I like making fires, the bigger the better and the destructive the greater I love them. Actually this is not true, it upsets me greatly to see forests and woodland being torched, by idiots dropping cigarette butts. But it warms my soul to see French cathedrals going up in smoke and I laugh my cock off when same multi millionaires hand out fortunes to repair the wretched place. Just like some medieval indulgence to ensure remission from purgatory. A pity they cannot find the same sums to house the homeless and lift people out of poverty.

This person does not have a uterus

Hypocrisy is one of the by words of religion, strangely enough you find it a lot in the political realm as well. There is just more lying involved and less buggering of children, though perhaps they all bugger each other. none of them it appears know what a Uterus is or which members of the species have one. I will give you a clue here: if your name was previously Eric, Kevin, George or anything else from the big book of boys names then you will probably find you do not, or for that matter never will. Recently a Tory (conservative) MP came out as being a tranny, just after being arse raped as well. Poor chap it must have hurt like buggery, I hope his assailants used some lube on him first. Anyway enough of tories, burning churches and sore arseholes. I want a new mobile phone, having become convinced my current antique is no longer doing the job. Like the Tory tranny MP it is buggered but not literally. It has been abused and maltreated over the years and is now genuinely fucked. I shall take myself to the phone shop, explain my predicament in less vulgar language and obtain a new machine, possibly even a new service provider. I am done with Oh poo or whatever they are called, dislike the automated voice they use and all the crappy offers they want to shower me with. .

In the mean time I am going to have another brew and contemplate going for a little drive or other outward excursion.

RANDOM WONDERINGS

Uncategorized

So working at home has overtaken me and the upload device on the website has ground to a halt. I am unable to upload my painting of Betty Page with her breasts exposed, so I am drinking tea instead. Clicking on the reload button has of course taken things back to zero but I could do with a break from the art work thing. having thrashed out a ton of material yesterday, I think I am in need of a rest. That shall come later I have some more work to do first and training later. Then I shall sleep like a baby and for having done a good days work I shall sleep even more soundly. I do not know about other forms of employment and for that matter I do not really care, having decided long ago it is a pointless exercise wasting my time on other peoples shit, it never lasts for long and I only get depressed and somewhat suicidal. The very idea of slaving on the minimum for some other bastard fills me with a sense of horror, only exacerbated by the medication I am on which lists confusion,depression and aggression amongst the side effects . . Still I am glad to be near free of discomfort and this I imagine will only decrease as the dosage increases. Hopefully some day soon the doctors will be able to fix the thing completely. Only time will tell on that one.

BETTY PAGE

What else? Oh yes I went into town the other day, Saturday to be precise. It was as I thought it would be, a god damned awful experience, it started raining, parking was hideously expensive and is enough to deter me from going there again. looking at it, what is there I cannot get delivered to my door? In future I may just cycle in and get some exercise at the same time. I may just tolerate it that way and not want to top myself for living in such a shite city. Please do not come here, it is diabolically awful in any number of ways. The only saving grace is the nice buildings we have, not that you can really go into them. The custodians of the places are a bunch of fussy so and so’s, they do not like common riff raff entering their temples of learning. I cannot say blame them for being so. The buggers inside called students pay a fortune to learn shit in those places, they cannot have them being contaminated by the townies. The Dons would not like it very much either, the riff raff might drop cigarette butts on the ground and even belch or Dog forbid. Fart.

Sophia Loren in The Millionairess

This is of course all fantastical, all the above people fart, belch and the smokers amongst them drop ciggie butts on the floor they are human like the rest of us. Though saying that there is nothing wrong with having standards and good manners. Likewise there is nothing wrong with telling people you do not like to piss off , just do it as politely as possible. The weather has brightened up a little since I started writing so I am going to put some suitable clothes on and go plant the Foxgloves and those other things I have forgotten the name of. By the time that’s all done it will be time for lunch. The cats are currently fast asleep, kitchen noises will soon change that and it is predicted Ninja Cat will be down to investigate, scrounge and get in the way too. Otherwise life is pleasantly on the quiet side, I am able to get on with what I have to do, relax, if you can call it that, though this is the way I do relax. By doing things, being creative, productive and getting things out of the way that might otherwise bother my head unnecessarily.

Words and Pictures 2

Autobiographical, Uncategorized

This medication I am now on: I am not sure if I like it or really dislike it. It seems to have slowed me down immeasurably, concentration is more so my brain is somewhat numb and things inside are perhaps more distant. By that I mean the heart, the discomfort is still there but not nearly as pronounced. Sometimes I want to just say fuck it all and finish myself off but you you know something? Life is not like that, at least not here or right now. I have to piss a few more people off first and move all this artwork that has built up in the spare room. I may sell some of it. In the meantime I am putting it all online on various sites. It almost feels like depression, but without the inertia, that accompanies such. No black dogs either, just black cats. maybe it is having finally ditched mainstream employment, and handling the change that has caused this emotional state. Fuck knows! The state of the world, mid life crisis…Any number of different things, but most of all the medication, I think it is that, one quickly followed the other, actually they all came together. Too much to handle? No just enough, just let me process it all first. I have been to hell before and this is the ante chamber, I know where the exit is, up the backstairs and to pastures new. The last time me and the devil met, I grinned like an idiot and got out of there pdq.

I would be fucking slaughtered within half an hour if I was doing my old job now. These meds have slowed things down a degree or three, sorry if I drag on about the meds but they are ( I think) helping me get things done. maybe it is just the incentive to get things done and to keep doing things, making progress and moving forward. Someday all this shit will be over and we can dance again, not because the music is playing but because the nonsense is over and nobody listens to the bull crap anymore. At least I know now why I am shouty and want to thrash people, it is the medication not lunacy. Is there anything to temper this urge to kill people? I suppose alcohol might help as may weed, blitzen I have both at my disposal Fuck!, Arse, Bollocks! Piss! Where have the paintings of Glastonbury gone? Oh wait I have not checked under the sofa yet, I must make some tea. Found them in the bedroom cupboard along with a bunch of Pink Floyd memorabilia, maybe someone or somebody will buy it and help me clear some space here.

I won some lottery yesterday, clearly choosing my numbers is a better way forward than those lucky dips, do you remember the lucky dip at the fun fair? Putting your hand in a large bin full of small parcels and coming up with something, that promised to be either rubbish or clutter. I may head into town later on and go on a charity shop raid for nice books and that. There again, I may say stuff that idea, it is cold out, despite the sun shining and the meds are playing with my head. Maybe the fresh air will do me good, it certainly did last time before I started the meds. There is no harm in looking and there is usually fuck all to buy in town. It is totally gutted and devoid of any independent stores, the council have really ballsed up their ‘attempts’ at encouraging trade in Oxford. I hope they fall at the next election, we could be well rid of the socialists and their bent arsed agenda.

black, cat, asleep, box, lazy,

Have a beautiful day today… and tomorrow.

Uncategorized

I was going to write a load of angry words about various people, they can fuck off, there are better nicer things to write about.

Spring has pretty much arrived and flowers are poking their noses through the soil, first among these are the Hyacinths, if you get a chance sniff them, they have the most fantastic fragrance. Turn off the television set, stop buying newspapers, unless to line the cat tray and pay more attention to the sounds of nature, spend time outdoors, go for walks in the park or cycle out somewhere clear your head and soak up some positive vibes. make a nice pot of tea and invite friends around to share, make sure you have cake or biscuits or make a nice meal, if possible make something vegetarian,it is more harmonious than eating slaughtered animals and there is quite enough violence in the world without adding to it. be thank full for what you have.

Love your neighbours even if you do despise them and cannot think of a polite word to say about them, they are human like you. Do something creative, work the garden and plant some seeds, watch them grow, plant vegetables, you can eat them later and they will taste delicious. be polite to your manager, they have shit going on as well and need a friendly smile just like we all do. Help the new girl/girl at work, you were in their shoes once. Use eco friendly house hold cleaning products, they smell nice and are better for Mother Earth and you. Give thanks to the creator for even the smallest things, some people have even less. Banish worrying from your daily activities, you do not get paid for it and it gives you wrinkles and upset bowels. Think of beautiful things and these will come to you. Give thanks at the beginning of the day and at its end and reap the rewards.

I will be posting some new artwork in the near future

Irma Grese, part one

art and culture, Uncategorized

I am coming to the end of a cycle on one of my art projects, that of painting Nazi’s. I grew bored of doing the interminable paintings of nude or naked women and sought a change. I have a couple of portraits of Adolf Hitler and Heinrich Himmler on the go and several others of characters like Dorothea Binz, Luise Danz and Ilse Koch. I am working on some others including Irma Grese, The Beastess of Belsen, or The Beautiful Beast and numerous other monikers that people chose to remember her by.

there is a lot of talk about who Irma Grese was, what she did and the rest of it. Some of it, is factual, her father was an arse, her mother committed suicide after finding out about her husbands dalliances. She did not do well in school and was described as shy by her sister Helene. She later took work as a shop assistant, applied to become a nurse and eventually found herself ‘Although I protested against it’ Being sent to ravensbruck female concentration camp, where she trained to become an SS auxillary (Aufseherin) Eventually winding up at Auschwitz-Birkenau being finally captured by the British at Bergen Belsen upon the liberation of that camp. Her portrait will be forthcoming, as will another one portraying her in the film Passenger film (1963) by Andrzej Munk. The lead role, that of a female camp guard is played by Aleksandra Slaska. the film was left unfinished, Munk having died in 1961.

Irma Grese

As things are, I am having a little rest from that topic and working more on some pictures of various Domina’s, that and some work on paintings of the Holy Family. I may well be putting down a few ideas this evening onto paper, I need to replace the light house from a few years ago, as the original found a new home. This time it may go down on paper, I am not sure without looking if I have the canvas I want for it and there is plenty of paper so. Making life easier for yourself is not about being lazy, it is doing what is right for you. Finding nice things to do and doing what is right to help oneself progress in life. How many people stay all their working life with an employer they hate, in a job they detest and never fulfilling their true potential? At least they were consistent and did not manage to be sacked or leave after a few months.

I think I would be a good concentration camp guard, the idea of moving people around with a whip and a club sounds rather good fun. Especially if you have a grudge against those who have pissed you off, prevented you from fulfilling your dream. Then definitely so. Irma Grese was one of those people, she might have been an excellent nurse and certainly wanted to be so. She was also in the right or some may say wrong hands also turned into a brutal beast or at least that is what the history books tell us.

Not Irma Grese

I shall be posting the painted work as soon as it complete.

Gold, Ego and Oxford

Autobiographical, Uncategorized

So I kicked the final remnants of junk out of the house today, all of it clothing and all to the same place as the other two loads. I now have a half empty cupboard and am going to buy some new stuff to replace it all with, the second exercise this morning was to go and get the weeks food shopping and now that is done I can fully relax and get on with more important things, things like painting and this. House tidying is a week day exercise, the garden is good for any day of the week. I also have a chunk of editing to do on some photos and would rather that be done now, than have a mountains worth later on, which is simply depressing.

Painting wise, I am attempting to clear the backlog of work that has been laying around. This will free up space and help clear my head to new ideas, or at least that is the plan. Despite buying a couple of bottles of beer today, I am now teetotal during the week and keeping a clear head for the purpose of study and work, by work I mean that which benefits me, not other people unless they are buying the products I have to offer. I think I have already expressed my feelings about making other people wealthier, though naturally I would like more of an income to satisfy my various needs, to buy things that I probably do not need. Maybe I should just buy a lotto ticket instead, then I can flip one at the job centre too. Oh for the joys of having pots and pots of money. I would buy Silver Bullion and nice gold coins and keep it all under the stairs like a miser. I am not daft enough to do that, so please do not come round saying you are a staircase salesman or other like Bullshit, If you do I will set the cats on you.

gold | Facts, Properties, & Uses | Britannica

Imagine going to the estate agent and saying you want to buy a house in their window and plonking a gold bar (or two) down on the desk to pay for it, I would love to do that, so much more fun, than writing cheques or making bank drafts over to people. A twelve kilo gold bar will set you back in the region of around £568,000, which is not actually that much, considering a half decent terrace house in Oxford. (Which is a shit hole) will set you back around £350,000 and that is Blackbird Leys which is a dung heap. The closer you move into the shit hole, the costlier the houses become. Personally I want out of Oxford, having lived in this town for far too long now.