A time for music and dancing

Autobiographical, Uncategorized

So today I shall be heading down to London for the night, as some friends are having a slightly belated and joint Birthday party. Half of me wants to stay home and chill, whilst the other 3/4 says go, relax and enjoy. It is at times like this I think several things and in truth I don’t know what I want to do, so it is probably better that I go in any case. I will be driving naturally and not because of some Corona virus, it is simply much more practical and a hundred times less complicated than using public transport, which I sometimes think you need a degree to fully comprehend.

Their is one major overriding factor in all of this, my mate needs his business cards. which are sitting in the attic here. Which does mean I am somewhat obliged, the tasty vegetarian meal his Mrs. will probably be cooking is just another factor that tempts me out. All in all it means I have a few hours to burn before doing anything in the way of driving, meaning I can write and study a bit and do those other little things that need doing. Right now however it seems to be more a case of getting motivated into doing stuff, instead of staring aimlessly at the monitor hoping for some kind of revelation, which is not going to happen any time soon.

Let me move forward and be productive for the short time I am here, I think I may go and do a little painting.

PROGRESS AND MOTION

Autobiographical, Uncategorized

So these last days have been spent watching the rain fall outside my study window, and if not in there, then downstairs whilst painting. The website has also been getting a makeover and even if I find it a puzzle at times to work out the new system of doing things in page design … I have to embrace it all cause it is teaching flexibility and despite all the swearing it is actually a far better layout than it was and the whole thing looks better than it did previously.

Painting has been going on strong, I have spent more time recycling old boards and canvas to make into new work, this saves the hassle of having to go shopping, gets rid of old household paint makes space and saves money too. All of which are good things, and encourage me to practice more and not worry too much about supplies running low. Apart from work already in progress, I am switching back to Acrylic for the duration, it is easier to work with in any number of ways and does not stink like the other stuff. Still on art I am forcing myself to paint new material, stepping away from nude women whilst probably being the staple of many artists is getting rather boring. I may have to start painting men instead. Or should I use my imagination?

All of this seems far more interesting and easier than SEO, which looks like it could take a little while to get right and then keeping it right seems to be a full time job. Together with University coursework it looks like I may be busier than expected and that is exactly how I want things to be. Fully occupied. Finding a new employer could also be a useful aside but I am not running anywhere too quickly at the moment I do not care for this Corona business and would rather enjoy the late summer weather whilst I still can. Jackie is away at the moment, she is still in the US of course but is largely incommunicado I do miss her of course but does mean I can get on and do more work than I would normally get done. She ought to be back in town next week.

My apologies for the lack of punctuation in this blog.

GOING TO SEE KITTENS

Autobiographical, Uncategorized

So the last few days have been spent doing the back room, stripping out that Dog awful stippled paint, taking it all back to bare walls filling holes and painting. The space if you can call it that, actually looks quite nice now though I am too minds whether to bother glossing the woodwork to be honest I am sick to death of it and cannot wait to do something new.

I have also been painting, I don’t mean walls more art, canvas that sort of thing, the torture device has been softened with a cushion. Things are moving along and perhaps the next project will be to find meaningful employment of some sort, the broken tiles on the front door step, can be done in due course, I really want to get the pond all set up and stocked before long however everything happens at the right time and life is not a race, at least not at this stage.

J is very well and has been undermining my farting and belching by saying I am rude, she has a point of course though I am sure she does the same, maybe with not so much gusto and certainly a lot quieter and with less fanfare than mine. In short J is polite I am coarse, or at least choose to be. Perhaps it is time for a change.

Later this morning, I am going to my sisters to do some stuff and say hello to her (kittens.)  Honestly they are the most adorable little balls of fur you could ever wish to hold, just like all kittens, I just get sniffed at by my own brood when back at home.

Enough for now, I need to drink more Coffee.

 

WONDERING FREE ( LIKE A W*MBLE)

Autobiographical

Wondering what to write, how to write it and then going to do the garden instead, such is my life at the moment. Thinking about what to paint, needing a change of artistic direction and then having feelings of hopelessness and being lost.

Discovering this site is up for renewal and the bank says no. It is raining outside and now it is blue, can I ever bloody win? In truth I have actually changed my working day I paint in the day time and do laptop stuff upstairs in the evening. In the in between periods I do bits of garden.

Clearing out old stuff I have no use for and making space cause no one else is going to do it, I may well find some more long lost things along the way. Seriously thinking about doing a regular vlog, J says it would be a better medium for me to communicate my thoughts as things can get lost in between my brain and my fingers , this just causes confusion and is no good for anyone.

Wondering, (I wonder a lot) what I shall be studying for next years bout of university, something I enjoy naturally and again something I can actually write about without drowning in syrup. ( Not literally) This new setup they have on WP is Peeing me off it wants to do strange stuff when I least expect it and already it has devoured one lot of writing and refused to give it back, now it is refusing to start new paragraph’s. If J was here she could probably fix it, in the meantime I shall have to learn myself a new skill and decide I need a drink when it is done. J is better at giving up the booze than me, the stuff once made me violently ill… Nowadays.. ?

I shall have a mug of tea instead.

WHILST LISTENING TO LUDWIG VAN B.

Autobiographical, Uncategorized

I could write some inflammatory rantings here about a host of issues including Messrs. Johnson and Trump. I am not going to, they both have a job to do and whatever that job is and whoever they are working for let them get on with it.

Conspiracy theories and that sort of thing used to take up a not small bit of my day.  However a few years ago I grew up and stopped bothering my head about the NWO and Bohemia Grove and took up spirituality instead. The current lock down is providing plenty of time for study of this kind  and with university done with for the year even more so. Part of this spiritual practice is creating or more more precisely painting, I have been doing loads of painting and am running out of Turpentine. (Though I have plenty of white spirit) which does not smell nearly as nice. I am also halfway to convincing myself I am in desperate need of a major re-supply of paint when in fact I have plenty and this is probably the thing that is causing me to have acid reflux  the  supposed lack of paint.  Once a while ago it was finances, now it is paint and whilst finances are not great, they are the least of my concerns, the chief of which is paint and to be honest only paint.

I could not give a flip about not having a ‘job’, I have chosen the life path of an artist if the authorities want me to go work in a supermarket and stack cans of beans, that is their business. I ought to be applying to galleries and posting more stuff on platforms like this instead of wasting time trolling through job sites getting annoyed cause they all want you to be a team player and neurotypical both of which I am not.

My sister did mention I could go find work at a particular place,saying they employ dunder arses there, I think she was either joking or noticed my displeasure, cause she then said you will be smarter than the rest of them.

I looked and they have no vacancies around here.

Thinking of lack creates lack , think yourself to be skint, poor, broke then that will surely be your lot. Swap these negatives around, tell yourself you have all you need and more is coming and you have plenty, then it will be so.

I have plenty of Turpentine, the air is saturated with it.  I have plenty of paint as well, the cleaning rags are covered in the stuff and so is half my wardrobe. I lack for nothing and my cleaning jar runneth over.

It is 23 days now since I last had a drink and feel a lot o better for it as well, whether I ever drink again remains to be seen right now I am getting along with innumerable mugs of tea and J is doing the same though not perhaps so much. She is well and is out of the place where she went, we will be re-united very soon.

I really must get on and develop this site and make a gallery of recent and perhaps not so recent artwork.

 

 

THE NON DEMON DRINK.

Autobiographical, Uncategorized

J is going to hospital today, she will probably be away for a good four weeks maybe a little longer. In many respects I ought to be going with her but due to various constraining factors that is not currently possible. You see we both have the same condition in that we live with excruciating anxiety disorders that can make life unbearable at times and we both like to drink, Alcohol helps deal with the anxiety but it does not help with the depression we both live with, we medicate ourselves with depressants when we both take anti-depressants, which rather defeats the object of the initial exercise in taking the medication.

Up to around three years ago I had not had a drink for ten years or more, then I had a drink and in that time have managed three days without drinking not bad on 50+ units week average.

It is never the money that motivates me to stop, though this time I may well make the exception to the rule and enjoy having something to put aside each month. I also look forward to saying good bye to the hang overs and the shakes and generally feeling a lot healthier. I shall also be looking to get some kind of counselling or  go to AA meetings. Something I did not do the first time around.

I have found, as may some readers that when I choose to do anything in the affirmative to make positive steps to clear up my act, it gets poo poo-ed and people say it is your Irish blood  or that’s not much. It has nothing to do with your ancestral blood or the intake it is an addiction which is like any other illness you have to admit there is a problem before you seek help and then have the fortitude and willingness to undertake the cure.

I have J she is in safe hands, I also have the cats they don’t know I have an alcohol issue but are a great comfort at any time of day or night.

Jessica writes

Autobiographical, Uncategorized

To say we are living in Interesting times would be an understatement. I do not think I have ever spent so much time on virtual lock down since I was put in  isolation during my school days, and that was due to the punitive regime in force, not any contagion or disease. You could say Public (private) school taught me  a couple of valuable life lessons, the other being making use of whatever it is you have at hand and occupying every moment you have with something to prevent madness setting in.

If you are lucky enough to live by yourself like I am and are by nature a bit of an introvert then you may well know where I am coming from, for someone who likes his dinner at a regular time and would rather go to the library than out clubbing I am in my element. I have the cats, The garden, my art and the laptop. Bingo! my only complaint is I am rather low on the Pasta front so may have to go out and look for some in the next couple of days.

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Throughout this last week of shutting myself away, the weather has been kind and the sun has shone. Despite the cold breeze it has been nice and I am glad it has not been wet and grey cause that would be no fun whatsoever. Some good news I started doing my annual planting of the seeds a few years ago with the idea, that some of them will turn into food, I now have baby plants sticking their heads up through the soil. The kitchen windowsill is working its magic again. I am using Greenhouse magic as well, but Beans  and Peas take a little longer. Everything is well wrapped up in Muslin so ought be snug and warm, the sun shall do the rest.

J is doing well and bearing her load with the fortitude and resilience of her people, she is in safe hands and we speak several times a day. She is largely absent of the news at the moment, so we laugh about politicians and family members instead.

Meanwhile I must give thanks for my continuing good health, my international dialling card and the multitude of stuff I can occupy myself with until such a time when things get back to normal, or should I say Less interesting.

 

 

A TRUE STORY ABOUT GETTING DRUNK

Autobiographical, Uncategorized

This article is about Alcohol and the effects it has on the male teenage brain. It may get quite graphic so if you are of a sensitive disposition, please read on.

I only remember the beginning of this story and it’s subsequent aftermath. The bit in the middle was given to me by various third parties with whom I was at school with when it all happened.

My old school was a boarding school, a fine English public school (the sort where you pay to be educated) One of the perks we had was being allowed out of school bounds at weekends to go into the local town and socialise. In other words get drunk. It was around Mid October and an acquaintance  was celebrating his birthday and wanted to do something special to mark this happy day. It being a Saturday, and boring it was decided the best thing would be to go Midsomer N (The local town) and get drunk. Just like most weekends actually, Bath being the other option.  there were four of us the birthday boy who shall be referred to as B. A Spanish guy called M  and then there was C.  Another person declined, he said at the time he thought something awful would happen. He was right.

This is the point where the story becomes unclear. All I know we bought the drink and went out on top of the old slag heap. I remember a bottle of Coconut and Rum based drink in a white bottle. A bottle of nice Red I had pinched from my Dads wine cellar. I still have a morbid dislike of Coconut’s and their odour to this day. The Bottle of Red was Spanish and probably quite expensive. There would have been other drink as well. Most likely Whisky and Beer.

I do know we sang Happy Birthday as per tradition, we also sang it in French, though probably not very well. With writing My memories of this day seem to be coming back to me. Maybe there is a healing taking place here. I always recall C as being squeamish, it was not hard to make him gag and I do recall wanting to go toilet, I squatted behind a tree and probably used Pine needles. (gross, but necessary) The next bit? The turd was impaled on a stick and I chased my fellows around the summit of the heap. C went Green and gagged and the toilet got spread around a bit. I ought to mention here that my sense of humour can be somewhat inappropriate. Or at least used to be, it’s nice to think I have grown up a little bit since then.

I seem to recall some of the locals and their motorbike and C attempting to ride it. Something about loosing the clutch handle that rendered the thing useless and the owners being annoyed. This is what I recall and partly what was said to me later.

I do not remember running down the side of the heap and pulling a moony at a couple of Policemen. If you do not know what a moony is, it is the exposing of ones naked backside to some unsuspecting individuals or group of people. I guess choosing a pair of coppers was a bad idea. As was vomiting on their boots,  the same could be said for telling one or both of them to. “Fuck off Pork.” When they tried to pick me up.

According to the other witnesses the police wanted to take me in or at least back to the school, which being very noble and proper minded would probably have resulted in all sorts of bother. Anyway the offer was declined reasons being it would cause all manner of trouble, expulsions and that sort of thing. I would like to apologise at this point to A, M and C for the trouble this adventure must have caused. I have no idea how they got me home, but I did hear the  driver refused to take the unconscious, vomit covered public school boy, on his bus. So I guess they must have dragged/ carried me back ‘home.’ A distance of about 3 miles, it must have been nightmarish.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I was looking for a job and I lost a job.

art and culture, Autobiographical

And heaven knows I am not miserable now.  (Apologies to Morrissey)

Did I mention, I do not have a job anymore? It is nothing unusual, the workplace and I do not seem to get along very well. Indeed the longest time I have held a job down for is a little over two years. At a rough reckoning I would say the average length of time between starting and finishing is 3-4 months.  The longer lasting ones push the average up, the rest of them, bring it back down. I am best off being self employed, be my own manager. That way I can hardly sack myself, if I were to do so, I could be reinstated the next morning, or the same day. Who knows?

I am done with food, making it,selling it or having anything to do with it. (Apart from  eating it) and  most things retail can F**K OFF.  I am considering sales (of what) and want to be an artist.  I can honestly say not much else interests me. Give me something creative and worthwhile to do, a decent salary would help.

Not being in work, provides me with lots more time to study and paint. This I have to say is the best thing about being ‘unemployed’

Triphammer falls, NY state USA

Oils on paper 2019-2020

DSC_0114

OIl on paper 2020. Model unknown

 

 

 

Work and that

Autobiographical, Uncategorized

So yet another year has passed, and for that matter so has  another job/employer. This time over signing a piece of paper. It would seem’s  my happy little brain is not very good at remembering such things. Never mind the place was badly run when I started there back last October and from there it has just got worse. Where else, would you find clothing and books ending up in the fridge next to the Yogurt and Cheese?

I feel half tempted  to mention the name of the place here,but shall content myself with saying Heyford Hill. Make of it what you will.

Happier news now, I am having a spurt of growth in the creative department, and am pressing ahead with making some business out of it all. I am, if you have been visiting here regularly have realised by now I am not very good at holding down employment. Well I can barely sack myself,  can I?

I don’t want to post anything art wise on this post, this does not mean I have been lazy. Far from it, I have simply played around with camera’s enough for one day and am feeling hungry, it is after all lunch time.

Instead I thought I would share a photo my best friend/Fiance took of me a couple of day ago. We aim to get all three of the cats involved at some point.

 

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BTW Jessica is my real name, and any idea’s of my being trans should not be entertained. I just happen to enjoy wearing women’s clothes.