If at first you fail, get up and …

Autobiographical

So far today I have attempted to write a fluid article on Russian scam brides, the kind you find cluttering your junk mail folder, the kind that say avoid like the Plague. The kind that says to adventurous opportunist artists, write back, get photos, paint them. This is what I was doing, the words were not flowing, they felt wooden and clumping, like wet cat litter, so I quit that and started on a new CV, making myself attractive to new employers, trying to tell them about my long and checkered work history and failing miserably in the process. In desperation, I made a simple meal, ate it and started writing this instead. That and watching some porn in another window, she has nice breasts and a fantastic bush. Her smile is quite engaging, but I guess that works better than a grimace or a frown. It’s all part of human psychology you know, a smile is welcoming, is warm and makes you want to get closer to each other. (usually)

Some porn

I could quite happily spend inordinate amounts of time watching porn, instead I spend amounts of time looking for work, knowing full well it will prove disastrous within a few weeks or so when I do find work. it is not negative thinking, it is a total fact. Having had 80+ previous employers I think somebody, somewhere is telling me something about what I ought be doing in terms of employment. Indeed I have written on this subject previously and seeing as it is quite dominant in my career record so far, it is time I took notice of it and did something about it. I can barely sack myself can I and when I do, I can be reinstated later that day. I have a set of ideas I would like to put into motion and with recent events as they are I am now in a position to be able to do so.

My cat is sitting on the back of the chair, keeping my neck warm. Ideally he wants to sit on my lap, however the desk gets in the way with his needs and my legs move around, disturbing his repose. I can scratch his neck easily and listen to his purring, that is despite the music playing. He likes to think He is in charge here, determining where he sits, when he is fed and the rest of it. Little does he know it, he is totally.

Otherwise I have been painting and drawing loads, have got through a large amount of the back log of incomplete work, started a bunch of new material and wonder how to correct glaring mistakes and paint splashes that could easily have been avoided. In the meantime I am posting lots of new material to my Instagram page and of course here.

Some more porn

Gold, Ego and Oxford

Autobiographical, Uncategorized

So I kicked the final remnants of junk out of the house today, all of it clothing and all to the same place as the other two loads. I now have a half empty cupboard and am going to buy some new stuff to replace it all with, the second exercise this morning was to go and get the weeks food shopping and now that is done I can fully relax and get on with more important things, things like painting and this. House tidying is a week day exercise, the garden is good for any day of the week. I also have a chunk of editing to do on some photos and would rather that be done now, than have a mountains worth later on, which is simply depressing.

Painting wise, I am attempting to clear the backlog of work that has been laying around. This will free up space and help clear my head to new ideas, or at least that is the plan. Despite buying a couple of bottles of beer today, I am now teetotal during the week and keeping a clear head for the purpose of study and work, by work I mean that which benefits me, not other people unless they are buying the products I have to offer. I think I have already expressed my feelings about making other people wealthier, though naturally I would like more of an income to satisfy my various needs, to buy things that I probably do not need. Maybe I should just buy a lotto ticket instead, then I can flip one at the job centre too. Oh for the joys of having pots and pots of money. I would buy Silver Bullion and nice gold coins and keep it all under the stairs like a miser. I am not daft enough to do that, so please do not come round saying you are a staircase salesman or other like Bullshit, If you do I will set the cats on you.

gold | Facts, Properties, & Uses | Britannica

Imagine going to the estate agent and saying you want to buy a house in their window and plonking a gold bar (or two) down on the desk to pay for it, I would love to do that, so much more fun, than writing cheques or making bank drafts over to people. A twelve kilo gold bar will set you back in the region of around £568,000, which is not actually that much, considering a half decent terrace house in Oxford. (Which is a shit hole) will set you back around £350,000 and that is Blackbird Leys which is a dung heap. The closer you move into the shit hole, the costlier the houses become. Personally I want out of Oxford, having lived in this town for far too long now.

Me and My Ego

Autobiographical

I recently removed myself, albeit temporarily from the Facebook place. This move may become permanent, it has been a matter long on my mind and something has at last been done. I think it may become permanent, and am surprised at myself, for having taken so long to get this far. Social media is and can be a toxic place, it is an experiment in human behaviour and without doubt a place where governments snoop, sniff and check every word of what you read, write or say. The same can be said for that Alexa machine, that plays music and tells you the weather. It was fun for a while, then I threw it in the recycle bin. One less thing to dust or pay for you know. I have a 200w sound system instead and where my current music collection is slightly limited I compensate for that by having a internet connection and some decent digital speakers too. J is probably not very happy I am away from FB, though to be honest that is her business. I am pretty sure she will read this, good I like getting visitors, views, clicks, hits or whatever else they are called. They make my ego bigger than it is already is compel me to find a new and bigger home to house it in and ultimately move away from this dunghill known as Oxford and the muck heap called Blackbird Leys. Somewhere in the countryside, a nice cosy new home with a log fire and nice big garden.

Other news now, I am researching yew trees and archery and that kind of thing, personal interest you understand, I may/ will write about the subject sometime soon. School work is moving along nicely, having just got my last assignment has been dispatched. Erika the mannequin has had a change of clothes, though she really needs a whole new wardrobe as her current collection is a little large for her. Ultimately she needs measuring up to get a proper idea of her needs, then a charity store raid can take place. In the meantime I will be throwing out yet more stuff I have no need for, the local charity store is most willing to take it off my hands and for that I am most grateful. Other J has been off the radar recently, I like the peace and quiet of late and see no good reason to alter it too much.

Oh fuck, I have to go to the Job Centre palace later and make my reasons for being out of work. Well these are numerous, and words like peanuts and monkey’s come to mind when contemplating my answers. I figured a while ago and after 81 -/+ employers, the universe wants me doing other things than working to make some other bastard wealthy. Happily the weather looks quite nice and I may well cycle in and get some fresh air, avoiding the hassle of driving and doing a dodgy park near my former workplace. I really cannot be arsed dealing with those people or running into them for any length of time, like what happened last week. I am simply afraid of telling them what I think, which never really does much good. It is easier to miss out on conversations with some people, plus I do not like them it is as simple as that.

Friday 7th January 2022, 17:50pm

Autobiographical, Uncategorized

So the job search has commenced with a couple of hours worth of studying The British Empire in India with a little bit of The French Empire thrown in for good measure. I am taking a break now, having completed what I set out to do and shall restart things on Monday morning, or that is at least the plan I have in mind. What has happened in the meantime? The new printer has been installed I can manage without the wifi business and it fits nicely on the desk, does not rattle or scream when printing and is way faster than the old thing, which now sits forlornly on the floor whilst I wonder as to its final destination. 1st J has successfully moved to Ithaca, which is her spiritual base, she is happiest there and has a place she is settling into so that’s good, I will continue to pinch the photos she made of the cats, if you read yesterdays article you would have seen the one of Lulu otherwise known as Lulabelle also known as meow meow. Anyway enough of Ithaca and more on something else, actually I hope to do a small article on Ithaca sometime, it is a nice town, and I spent many a happy time there in the last few years and hope to go back in the not too distant future.

One of the best things about not having to go to work is that you get lots of spare time to do the things that suit you, that have been building up over a period and need addressing. I have spent a part of today doing that kind of thing, printing documents, helping a mate sort his stuff out and a whole bunch of other stuff that I will not go into here. Having completed these tasks has lifted a bunch of weight off of my back and I am fully ready to attack (if that is the right expression) the next lot of stuff. I may well start tomorrow with a bunch more school work, print off some more paperwork and do stuff around the home, I wish the place to be half way tidy as I have guests on Sunday and first impressions always count the most, I will also go out and buy some nice food and make a nice meal to share. I will not bother shaving, I am done with that nonsense and she knows me to have a beard in any case plus I do not have a razor or other system of hair removal at my disposal.

Nun

I will be getting my backside into gear soon and get ready to go to training, I have not been for a while due to the Christmas break and it will be nice to have some exercise and get a couple of bruises. Hopefully nobody busts my fingers up this time as it hurts and I want my hands to paint, draw and and write and anything else that hands are used for. I may do some painting later on after I get home, or I may not it, it will depend on entirely how I feel.

Black cats and printers

Autobiographical, Uncategorized

So yesterday marked another transition in the great and often eventful journey that I shall call Peters Employment History, I think I am up to 83 now, give or take a couple, I did make a list a while ago now, but cannot be arsed with anymore. Like many an old film or repeat TV series it has a hole worn in the proverbial and is barely worth carrying on. Living in the past or at least dwelling on it is all good and fine for a little while but does no good if you are looking to and driving forwards in life, it is in fact a bit like being in charge of a motor vehicle and like not paying attention to what is going on around you whilst driving, can prove to be highly dangerous and costly. In the meantime I am going to be pursuing my own affairs, putting stuff in order and starting this New Year with the correct footwear on to get things done and working. I shall also be developing and working upon my website and doing some art promotion. I Think it is too late to do Art Weeks this year, it has alluded me for several years now, so hopefully I manage to get my shit in order for next year and other forthcoming events this year.

My printer has decided to stop working, I think it dislikes the non OEM cartridges I am feeding it, the issue is always with the cyan cartridge, this printer does not like blue for some reason, even when I am printing in black and white. can you believe a printer is so stubborn and crap that it will refuse to print a B&W document or image due to a stoppage in an unrelated area? I have had this machine for almost 10 years now and am giving it one last go with an OEM cartridge and if it denies me the pleasure of making my work space shake and rattle once more then it is going to a new home. I imagine there is a Birkenau ii type place for unruly printers, where they are dismantled and otherwise destroyed and made into something new. I have included a link for anyone who does not know what Birkenau was and trust me there are plenty of them, my former workplace had at least three of them. All they knew about was LGBTQIA+ and other trendy stuff that permeates charitable housing projects staffed by the often idealistic and naive. I would like to mention I have no gripe towards the people I used to work for, actually I did not work for them I just happened to work in their premises. A place that is fit for demolition and where the drains back up into each other, flush the lavvie in room 217 and a phantom turd appears in room 220, you get the general picture.

Sometimes I think this country could do with tidying up and I am not talking about the litter on the streets and people who throw or dump their crap by the side of the road, though that needs addressing as well. The current system is well easy to take the piss out of, claimants receive the rent as opposed to the landlord, that tells you a lot about things. Any benefit you do receive can be spent on almost anything including drugs and alcohol and other non essentials. J tells me in the US or at least NY state you get a payment card that is restricted on what you can purchase and from where, no alcohol, luxury goods and the rest. It is hard core and prevents misuse, in my opinion it is a brilliant idea. I would like to see addicts being given a choice rehab or prison and forcible rehabilitation. Re-education and making things the more unpleasant for non conformers. The benefits system needs to be shaken up. rent payments being made direct to the landlord and robust punishment for those who take the piss. As for putting bloody refugees before our own countries citizens that idea and practice can fuck off immediately. Fill the English channel with man eating sharks, that would deter the fuckers, it’s impractical I know no self respecting man eating shark would want to swim around in that ghastly stretch of water and it would bugger up places like Brighton.

May be a close-up of cat
Lulu Courtesy of Jacklyn Jay

I am going to spend the rest of the day, studying, painting and doing something called eating. I am currently feeling hungry and need to correct this imbalance. In the meantime Lulu the cat has come to remind me she needs fussing and is more important than anything she can think of, which is namely food and sleeping. She likes sitting on the desk up here in the library, where she can be fussed over and stroked to her hearts content, she was brushed this morning and her coat is now softer and glossier than it has been in quite a while. I must clean out the tray later on and replace the litter.

Happy New Year (so far)

Autobiographical

Happy news today, J no longer has the Covid or at least that’s what the test thing said. I have yet to receive feedback from yesterdays excursion perhaps it will be a double celebration. In the meantime I am cooking a curry of some description, needing a change from pasta and with some spare rice going funny it seemed a good idea. The proof of my endeavours will of course be in the eating, the proof is always in the eating of any concoction. The frozen chicken stuff is I am glad to say nearly all gone and after my experiences with meat this last Xmas, I really want to go veggie as soon as. I feel safer eating beans, Tofu and lentils, anyway that’s enough of vegetarianism and the dodgy meat supply. There are better things to write about, have you ever spent inordinate amounts of time looking for an item on the internet or elsewhere and nearly gone mad whilst doing so? I am not doing that, I have asked the universe to provide and am simply letting things work that way, much easier. have you ever used candle magic, to help someone who is sick, as the candle burns, the sickness dissolves. We did that today, it worked but what else did I expect? I asked, it happened. Was the wish based in ego? no, was it based on selfish terms? No. What if it had been, would it have worked, possibly but not in the way expected and probably having a negative impact elsewhere. Always be careful of what and how you ask for things, the universe works in mysterious ways.

More painting, lots more painting and looking for more ideas of things to be painting. Life cannot solely revolve around women in uniform or in their bare skin, well it could I suppose but that might become quite tiresome after a while and the imagination is always asking for the new idea to be put down.. Follow your imagination, your intuition and see where it takes you, if you cannot discern between intuition and your ego, get a book on spirituality and go from there. Or start dabbling with crystals and gem stones, get a book on the subject, eat healthy foods and all that sort of thing. Be kind to animals. I think this is the first day I have not had any covid symptoms, perhaps it was the port wine I drank last night maybe it had an antiseptic effect maybe not. Something appears to have worked, or am I counting my chickens I have no idea.

I had a battle with my printer today, it wanted to do things I had not asked of it. Then it decided it needed blue ink to print a B&W image, the mind boggles and wonders as to the wonders of modern technology especially when there is plenty of Black ink on board the machine to start with. Perhaps its the dodgy cartridges I use, or perhaps its just a dodgy end user, who is better off with a paint brush, than he is with a printer. Which ever way it does not matter so much and what does matter is that I have learnt to discern between what is important and that which is mundane. Still no Covid report, never mind, shall get on and occupy myself in other ways instead

Drink more water

Uncategorized

A few days, ok a week or so ago I bought myself a German steel helmet of WW2 vintage, it has a bit of blast damage on the top but is otherwise in excellent condition, despite it being 80 years old or so. I wonder who wore it, what their name was and all the rest of it. think to hard and you can get all sorts of interesting ideas into your head. I would imagine the owner is now dead, and there are many different ways of being killed, especially in war time. It is good not to dwell to deeply on these matters and better for the spirit to think along more pleasant lines.. There are of course those who would and do get enormous pleasure from death, the causes and effects of and bits of body spattered over a wise circumference. The rest of us watch action movies and computer games, that depict the same, just not as sticky.

J is well and still under going confinement due to the Covid, I am as well but my situation means I have more to do, have a garden and the rest. Doing the garden, will get me outside and clean my lungs out, I think I will blitz the garden tomorrow. pointless doing a covid test, I still have symptoms apparently there are shortages of the testing kit. This could be problematic, but cannot be helped. I shall just have to sit tight and be patient until such a time, these things change. it might be inconvenient, but without proper authority, going out could harm people, maybe even kill them.

The things I hear my ego saying about what I would like to do sectors of society. Think of all the things I dislike, types of people I dislike. and the rest of it. ‘The fat slug( in reference to Boris Johnson) would look good with some piano wire around his neck, swinging from a meat hook.’ ‘ The things I would like to do to cyclists with no lights or hi vis.’ There is also of course all the other thoughts as well. the ones about sex and the like. ‘ I would love to fuck her.’ She has a lovely arse and I want to spread her legs and give her a good pounding’ I bet her husband is not coming up with the goods.’

The Nazi women paintings and other work, are all coming along well. Last night I had an unpleasant bout of upset stomach, I won’t describe it to you. A Joanna Lumley show is on the Telly, she is in Egypt talking to some local who got chewed on by a Crocodile. That’s enough, more next time.

I bought a genuine WW2 German helmet

Autobiographical, politics and religion

So what has happened since I last wrote? Not much to be honest apart from A work colleague lost his rag at me when I told him counting numbers on doors was not my thing. He has difficulty understanding or perhaps appreciating that not everyone is interested in the same stuff as he is, he is full of hot air with no release valve . I on the other hand have several ways of dealing with my varying emotional states and I am happy to say they all work. he also does not like being told that I do not care for anything of what he thinks, especially when it involves myself, he has been told this to his face and he had a tantrum as a result. Otherwise I have a nice bruise from training above my knee and a thumb that does not work (ligaments busted) It made up for dodging the work Xmas party.

As the title suggests I bought a WW2 vintage German (some may say Nazi) steel helmet, Erica the mannequin is kindly modelling it.

Erika the mannequin

The universe has blessed me with a new friend, we have been speaking on and off for the last few months and only recently have we sat down and made proper conversation together. She is nice, interesting, creative and several other things all positive I might add, we may even step out sometime and go eat tea and cake together, visit galleries, museums the universe will guide us I am sure to the places that suit us the best. It would also seem she likes Pink Floyd and that spells good in any language. I may introduce her to the blog sometime, but that will depend on other people in the meantime I shall refer to her as J. This makes it confusing I know as there already is another J involved here, but don’t worry about that Other J is in the US and is doing well, she has had good news of recent though that is also tinged with sadness. Sometimes I would like to wrap my arms around her but my arms just ain’t long enough to do that and I have to do things with words instead. Words are good and can be used in a thousand different ways, speak to my work colleague if you want to know how to speak shit, speak to me if you want to hear about history and why its important that we continue to study the subject, continue unravelling the historical record and not destroying statues that are part of our legacy, bulldozing Auschwitz/ Birkenau will not make it go away, or erase the fact nor will dumping a statue of a slave trader in the harbour.

That BLM shit really gets my goat, black washing everything into non-existence it is left wing socialist creation to further side line and disown the past into nothingness and as a historian I cannot abide or tolerate this in any way, shape or form it is plain wrong. Rather people ought be educated as to what happened and gently reminded slavery has been rife across Africa and the world for that matter since day one, white Europeans just took advantage of a line of business already in existence and whoever engaged in such business was simply a product of the age in which they lived, it does not or did not make them a bad person, much the same as Mark Zuckerburg got the idea to create his product, he saw an opening and made loads of people slaves to his project. Will he be demonised one day? Probably, perhaps he already is.

imagery and news stories of the rock band Pink Floyd
Using a central image of Syd Barret surrounded by the images of the other band members and newsprint stories, providing a pictorial essay of the rock band Pink Floyd from their beginnings up to the present

Painting Nazi’s

Autobiographical, Uncategorized

I am going out to lunch quite soon, but I wanted to write something first. Work is fine, but that I mean I still have employment and have managed to keep my mouth shut when I get the urge to say stuff. School otherwise known as university is good, I am now reading about Russia by way of the Caribbean, Spain and Portugal. I have also just graded to 4th Kyu in my chosen martial art, which means I must work harder than ever and finally my creativity is coming along very well, have plenty to be getting on with and have recently taken up model making again. I am happy

My lunch date went very well, next time we might have to book in advance as we were turned away twice. No big deal really and I must remember to walk more slowly than my usual pace, either that or take smaller strides and perhaps order a salad with my meal and less of the greasy stuff. At least I avoided the cheese from the burger. The cider was pleasant too and served on draught, just as it ought to be.

My collection of offensive t shirts has expanded to include this one above, except mine is in Danish I have started to paint at least a version of this image. Dyanne Thorne is also getting the McFeely treatment I am aware some people may baulk at the Nazi symbolism, see if I care. A painting of panzer ace Michael Wittman is also in the offing, the uniform has been outlined on that one, getting the cap angle right is the big one really, getting the correct shade of black on the uniform is even more so.

THE OLD MAN AND THE SEMEN (with apologies to (Ernest Hemingway)

Autobiographical

We have many colourful and varied people in the wonderful place where I work, some of them if not all of them have I am sure a story or two to tell as to how they wound up in such a drab and uninspiring place. Some of the residents have beards, some do not. Amongst the bearded ones is an old man who has a collection of gentlemen’s interest magazines magazines strewn across his floor. He also has a wide selection of newspaper images which supplement his magazine collection, most of not all of these pictures are stained, the same system is employed in his toilet, again the images he employs have stains all over them. I like to think they are spilt tea, however any half baked fool can tell they are not. The scene is reminiscent of teenage boys bedroom, except these days, those images are more likely to be on a computer and not on the floor. It is my happy task to clean rooms like this and last week it was decided it was to cluttered and messy to move there and we had to speak to management regarding the situation at hand. The magazine owner was naturally upset to hear we wanted to tidy his room and much protest was made as to our throwing his stuff out which had ‘great sentimental value attached to it’ At times like this it is hard not to laugh, so I bit my lip a little instead. Hopefully his room will be more accessible next time but I am not placing any bets on that being the case.

I have not written for a while due to several things, the most recent of which has been a stinking cold, which is finally leaving me, the last traces of it are at least. I just have a troublesome nose to contend with instead. There have been other factors involved too, mostly lack of motivation or doing something else. It would be nice to write more, more often so don’t be surprised if this does not happen and likewise don’t be too surprised if it does. Like model making, school work, painting, reading, gardening and work itself I have to prioritise my work load and it does not follow in that order. Some times I am even compelled to turn my phone off so I do not have to answer it, some people I know can talk for bloody hours about rubbish and I find it boring. The same people also like to complain about things not going their way too. They ought to pee off and find a counsellor dealing in financial anxiety, again that person is not me. J of whom I have written plenty in the past is well and managing her stuff pretty well, she wants to move back to Ithaca NY in some ways I don’t blame her, her current abode sounds a bit tiresome and she yearns for a place she can call home.

What else? I am now the proud owner of a shop mannequin, I am not sure why I bought it but the idea seemed quite novel, it can be sold again quite easily ( I am sure) and plenty of fun can be had with it in the mean time. It would look quite menacing dressed in lingerie with a leather cap and a whip, right now it looks quite harmless in a polka dot blouse, a denim skirt and bobble hat the black tights ensure it does not cold and maintain its modesty. it has yet to be assigned a gender or indeed a name but I suspect something female, seeing it is configured that way with breasts, hips etc. It would be very odd to call it Harold or Arthur, though in this day and age…

I hope to publish something more in the next couple of days

A woman with long dark haired in black leather elbow length gloves and ditto fetish gear kneeling on a bed of straw. she has her hands on her hips in a suggestive and wilful pose
A woman with long dark haired in black leather elbow length gloves and ditto fetish gear kneeling on a bed of straw. she has her hands on her hips in a suggestive and wilful pose