DEAR LANDLORD 1

My landlord can be a useless sod and it takes him at least half a year to pull his finger out to do anything apart from complain that the rent is missing of course there he has no problems.

2012-05-21 19.12.24  My House

The previous guys who lived here, the washing machine died, and it took seven weeks to get a new one. The excuse being one of them was not coughing up the right money each week so as a result everybody had to suffer.

Anyway we have a fairly good working relationship I call him when stuff is down and needs fixing he does fuck all until he is prompted, then nothing more until he gets prompted again at which point he invents an excuse or gives the excuse he has been thinking up for the last how long to deal with his tenants complaints about what repairs the house needs.

The following is not quite a letter to the penny pinching tight fisted so and so, usually I just phone him, that way he is unable to ignore me  and cannot  ignore that he has a house that needs maintaining  and it will not mend itself.

Dear landlord.

I spoke to you back at the end of July about the dodgy window downstairs you know the one facing the road that’s got a great big gap at the top that looks like it was not fitted properly you came up and took a look and that was the last we heard of it here, in case you had forgotten I thought it be a good idea to give you a call and remind you. Knowing that you have so much going on you may well have forgotten. Doing whatever it is you do that occupies all your time. Anyway you came up with something about checking out the peoples who did the work giving them a call and getting the problem remedied, oddly enough I was not surprised that nothing came about no calls,emails or whatever to say anything was happening or being down  that was the middle of September.

Image038  inside my house         2011-05-25 09.43.50  the garden

This beats the washing machine saga by at least a couple of months and that debacle went on for how long? and took the piss in terms of not being able to wash clothing and having to go down the Laundromat, happily that was not me it affected or you would have heard something about it! Anyway I digress I phoned you up the other day  and asked again what was going on and you say it is only now that you have found the company phone number and finally gotten down to doing something about it, fuck me man they advertise on the television.  Maybe you don’t watch it that much, I sure bet you watch the wretched thing more than I do, and don’t say I watch it more than you do, cause  I don’t have one remember.  No it’s not my job to start grubbing about looking for information that by rights you ought to have on file and ideally close at hand too, it’s not that long ago the job was done so really should be near the top of the house folder. I cannot imagine it being at the bottom.

I ought to be more patient and let you find the telephone and the notepad first and then compose what you are going to say to them. Ideally that ought not to take so long at least I hope it don’t cause its getting cold now and unhappily the weather is starting to get lousy and cold.  Summer is leaving us and Autumn is on her way in. The wind whistling through the gap sounding like a banshee the other night it made a proper bleeding racket now I could gaffer tape the f%^&er up but to be honest it’s not really in my remit, to do so after all I cannot really see you giving me the change for my receipts, arguing some tish tosh about that you are seeing to fixing the thing and as a tenant I had no business gaffer taping anything unless it was my own personal possession or some other long winded sort of thing. To be honest I could phone them in the morning and they would come out and fix the situation by the end of next week but I believe you are as good as your word and leave it in your capable hands to do this thing.

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